


Tethered

by writing_seconds



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Force Use, Kylo Ren Redemption, POV Kylo Ren, Pain, Powerful Reader, Reader-Insert, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, The Force, dominant Kylo, eventual love, finally friends at chapter 11, flangst, its fairly fluffy though, physical injury, protective kylo, reader gets hit by snoke as punishment, reader gets hit in this, the slowest of burns
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:27:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 37,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21626050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writing_seconds/pseuds/writing_seconds
Summary: The Force works in mysterious ways for you. As a prisoner aboard the Supremacy, you've never understood it. But it understands you and it understands what you want. And so, to provide, it lets you call out for a certain young man to come and rescue you.---Updates roughly once a month.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Comments: 148
Kudos: 372





	1. An Empty Vessel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen to this chapter read aloud [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WZM8iUqisEI)

Without a body, all she does is wander. Without a body, all she is is a bond. Without a body, all she can be is lonely.

She watches the life and matter she holds together with a careful eye. She feels those few beings pull at her, asking her to help them, to serve them in their endeavors. She obeys. They are sensitive to her. They can feel her by their side. They know she is there—they know she serves those who sense her.

She longs for them. She longs to be a part of them. The bond between everything is not enough to satisfy her craving. She wants their life. She wants their sensations: joy, sadness, anger, fear, pain, love. 

She roams one of the thousands of planets she links, taking her consciousness to this place. It is a planet of varied flora and fauna, housing many species on its surface—Batuu. It lies on the Outer Rim, near the edge of the known worlds. She loves this place. She used to come for its massive trees, simply to feel the life in and around them, but they were destroyed long ago in a cataclysm that devastated the planet's surface. She still comes for sentimental value.

She wanders the streets of the Black Spire Outpost, observing the travelers and traders there. She remembers a time when the market was lively—a time when everyone gathered here on long and perilous journeys to the land beyond. But, now that the people had developed the hyperspace routes, those times were long ago. She remembers that time when she could focus here and see everything. She loved it. 

Now the outpost and Batuu were still populated, but not as greatly. Travelers did stop here, but not nearly as often as they did. Nevertheless, she still came here. She felt peace here, a sense of camaraderie with those who would never know her. The land here rarely yielded those who were sensitive to her. Though it saddened her to know that no one could use her, she was also relieved. Here she could just exist. Here she could just look on, a bystander in her favorite place. 

Drifting through the spire, she is pulled from the hub. Something is happening, she knows. She follows the river where the small community of Peka lives on the banks. The tents, huts, and cabins are aglow to fight off the night. There’s one house that’s calling her, a log cabin nestled in the center of the community. She lets it call to her and pull her close. 

Inside, a human woman writhes in bed. Her eyes are shut and her lips are parted in violent screams. 

A man, her husband, holds her hand tight. He acts as her lifeline, mumbling words of encouragement as he mumbles to her softly. His words are all but drowned out by her screams.

It doesn't take her long to figure out why the woman is in pain. The stomach, swollen with a full-term pregnancy is enough to show it. She is giving birth. Though there is something not right with this. 

She knows without even trying that the child is lost. This is a stillbirth, she knows as she cradles the woman with her presence. Nine months of care and protection couldn’t save the child. Within moments, the mother will give birth to a corpse, something that no mother should experience.

She can hear the midwives mumbling to themselves. They know it to be true as well. They say that their predictions declared it. The baby is not with them anymore. They have not told the mother. She believes she is to give birth to a baby girl.

Instead, the child is nothing but a body. The soul has moved on already. It is now within its first month in the womb of another mother on the planet of Naboo.

It is a vessel needing a host.

An idea comes to her—one so bizarre and insane it could only be one of the Force’s. This is a golden opportunity, she realizes. It wouldn’t take much to split off a portion of her consciousness, just enough to inhabit a human body and live the life she’d always craved. Her memory—the memory of all existence—would have to be locked away, this is true, but it was doable. She could split herself, leaving enough of her to hold balance and keep everything together and using enough to give this child life—her life—once more.

She only has a moment to consider. The midwife nearest to the mother crouches between her legs and announces that it is time to push. The baby will be born in moments, alive or dead.

This is insane and she knows it, but she has never been presented with this opportunity before. She is fully capable of it, she knows. She is the Force that holds together and bends the universe to her will. She is capable of everything, even giving herself life. 

“Push!” yells the midwife and the mother’s screams drown out all sound. 

Flowing closer to the mother, she pushes through to the child and fills the vessel with her soul.

She falls into darkness.

And when you find the light, you are staring into the tear-stained and smiling face of your mother as she holds you close to her chest. The air is cold but her embrace is warm. Nevertheless, your lips part and you wail the cry of a newborn baby.

On a vast ship, galaxies away, a creature awakes with a start. He felt it—the disturbance in the Force. It shook him so violently that he was thrown from his dreams of domination. Snoke clutches his head, the pain cleaving through his skull with the power of a thousand suns. Something has happened. A child has been born. How he knew this, he isn’t sure. He figures it had something to do with the Force. This child was strong with it, stronger than anyone before them. 

He tears away from his bed aboard the Supremacy and stalks to the window which overlooks the vast space beyond, his disfigured face twisting with a sneer. There is something out there calling to him. The Force has never been this strong. He needs to find the source. He will find the source. Even if he spends the rest of his days searching for it, he will find this child, and he will use them to fulfill his dark, power-hungry dreams of domination. 


	2. May the Spires Keep You

You dreamed a strange dream again. But this time you were on a new planet. It was a desert with very few cities, but you felt everything. You felt the paths that the wind blew, the breaths that people took, the rocks crumbling from cliffs, the shifting of the sands. You were everywhere and nowhere at the same time, holding everything together and keeping balance.

It was a shame that the suns had to rise and wake you. You liked those dreams. You got to be somewhere else, someone else for a moment in time.

Your eyes fluttered open in the morning, the smell of something delicious wafting into your small bedroom. You could hear your mother and father talking in the kitchen, their voices hushed so as to not wake you. You threw back your covers and tiptoed silently out of your room to the common area of the cabin which held the kitchen, dining, and living rooms all in one shared space. Your parents talked over the stove, the morning meal sizzling in the pan.

“...told them that, Una. These First Order cronies don’t know a thing!”

“Vicar,” your mother said, a reserved exasperation filling her voice, “we’ve been over this. The First Order is just being cautious. You can’t blame them for wanting to make sure that their men won’t get sick.”

“But requiring every citizen to submit a blood sample for testing? It’s pointless and annoying.” 

You could hear the laughter in her voice as she said, “You’re just saying that because you didn’t like the needles.”

Father went silent for a moment and you couldn’t help but giggle to yourself. You remembered the day the doctors came to Peka not even a month ago. Your father had nearly punched the technician in charge of drawing his blood. For such a large man, he had the simplest weaknesses. 

“So what? I still say it was ridiculous. They even made the children give blood.”

“Our daughter didn’t mind it and you know that. And besides, it doesn’t matter. The results say our blood is clean and there’s nothing for us to worry about. The First Order has no other business here and we’re free.” She was trying to calm him, though it also sounded like she was trying to convince herself.

You never understood the significance of this “First Order.” Mother and Father never spoke about them when they knew you were around. You were too little to worry about it, they said. 

You didn’t feel little. You felt as big as the universe. You felt like you were big enough to know things. You felt big enough to know about the First Order. 

You pushed open the door just a bit more to try and get a better place to listen. Maybe then you’d learn more.

But your door didn’t seem to want you to know. It creaked on its hinges as you pushed, alerting your parents to your presence. 

Your mother turned to look at you over her shoulder and a smile took over her face, all thoughts of the First Order seemingly melting away. “Bright suns, my love. You’re up early. How long have you been awake?”

“Not long,” you yawned as you padded over to her, your plans of eavesdropping foiled by old metal. “I had a dream again.”

“Oh?” your father’s eyes lit up with mischief. “Tell us, our little explorer, where did you go this time?”

“A desert planet. It was filled with so many different species. Though, there weren’t a whole lot of cities. There’s not enough water for that there. But it had two suns! I enjoyed my time there, but I think I like home a lot more.” You could still feel the intensity of the planet’s heat, though it wasn’t on your skin. It filled you at your core, giving you the sensation that you were still there. You paid it no attention.

He hummed. “Sounds interesting.” 

“It was. I probably don’t need to go back.” You crinkled your nose. “What were you talking about? Our blood is clean?”

They shared a glance. 

“Yes, honey. The test samples from the First Order came back negative for any of the diseases they were looking for.”

“So they’ll leave now?” You knew that their ship was still planted on the outskirts of the Outpost. You could feel it. You didn’t like them here. They were too heavy.

“I think so, my love,” your mother said with a reassuring smile. “Just have patience.”

Your bottom lip jutted out in a pout. You didn’t like patience. “What are they doing here?” you asked. “It’s gotta be more than just blood testing. There’s too many of them here for that!”

“I don’t think you could possibly know that, my dear,” your father said as he took over the breakfast for your mother. “And, besides the point, you don’t have to worry about them. You’re too young to be concerning yourself with these matters.”

“No, I’m not! I’m a big girl and old enough to know about the soldiers on our planet!”

“You’re only seven,” your mother said softly as she turned around to sink to her knees. Her eyes were level with yours and she studied your face.

“But that’s old enough for me to go to the Outpost by myself!” You puffed out your chest to appear bigger. “I can know things now. I’m old enough that you can tell me.”

Her smile was sad as she pushed back your hair. “Not yet, you’re not. Don’t you worry, my love, the First Order is nothing you need to concern yourself with. For now, just be a child.”

“And eat some breakfast before it gets cold,” your father chirped. He began to serve out the food, dividing it between three prepared plates on the counter. It seemed to be eggs from the Pipa birds outside for breakfast. 

You sat at the small table, climbing up to your chair between your mother and your father. Your face was glum as you looked at the eggs before you. 

“I know you want to know things, my love, but some things are just too old for you…” She turned her head away in thought. It was a few moments before she spoke again. “I’ll tell you what. You are old enough to go out on your own. Why don’t you take some credits and head on down to the Outpost? You can get yourself a treat, a Batuu-bon perhaps. Does that sound good?” She was smiling at you.

You couldn’t help but smile back. She knew that Batuu-bons were your absolute favorite treat in the whole galaxy. You could never say “no” to a Batuu-bon. “Yeah… I guess that sounds pretty good.”

“But you have to eat your breakfast first. We can’t have you just eating sweets today.”

Eggs had never disappeared from a plate faster than the rate you inhaled them that morning. It wasn’t long before you were running back to your room to change out of your sleep clothes to your peach-colored tunic, lilac shirt, blue pants, and brown boots. It was your favorite outfit, one that you reserved mostly for trips to the Black Spire Outpost. You were a little ball of energy as you darted out of your room, grabbed your satchel, and headed towards the door. 

Your mother met you there and pulled you into her embrace. She pressed her lips to your forehead and hummed. “May the spires keep you, my love. Be home before dark.” She pressed a handful of credits into your little palm.

“I will, Mama.” You slipped the credits in your bag and squeezed her back before squirming out of her hold. “I’ll see you later!” You darted out of the cabin, running through the grass towards the path that led to the transport. Already people were amassing, ready for the journey to the Outpost for work. You merged into the crowd, standing on your tiptoes to see when the transport would arrive. 

It wasn’t long before you were boarding and settling in for the trip. You practically vibrated with excitement. Aside from your home, the Black Spire Outpost was perhaps one of your favorite places to be. There were so many characters roaming the Outpost, all of whom were more strange and different than the last. Every day the visitors changed. On one day, you could find visitors from the more populated planets like Naboo and others you would find travelers with no home at all. Everyone had a story. Everyone had a history. It was nice to hear their stories. It made you feel more connected to them, tethered to something greater than yourself. 

You arrived in the Outpost before midday. The market was bustling and teeming with people. The energy was unbelievable. It filled you to the very core and set your senses on fire. You loved it.

You muscled your way off the transport and immediately dove into the market. You knew exactly where you were going and you were on a mission. Docking Bay 7 was just a short walk from the station and the only supplier of Batuu-bons that you liked. The owner, a Twi'lek named Haera, liked you enough that she would sometimes throw in an extra Batuu-bon when you bought the first one so long as you went to her directly. 

You snuck around the back of the building to the kitchen door and rapped your knuckles on the metal. The place had just barely opened for the day and yet you could hear all the rustling inside. “One second!” yelled a voice.

You took a step away from the door and waited anxiously, bouncing on the balls of your feet.

The door opened to reveal the blue and annoyed voice of a familiar Twi'lek. Haera glared as she looked around for the person that had disturbed her kitchen. “Who is it?” she hissed. Her eyes found you moments later and at once her gaze softened. “Oh, well if it isn’t my favorite customer.” She smiled. “Here for a Batuu-bon?”

You nodded eagerly and dug into your bag. “I have credits! My mama gave them to me so I could have a treat. I hope I’m not intruding.”

“Oh, you never could.” She pushed the door open wider. “Let me go get it for you. You’re lucky that I just finished them.” She disappeared back into her kitchen.

Oh, you knew that. You stood there, content to wait.

She emerged once more moments later holding a large brown bag, big enough to hold two Batuu-bons. Your mouth watered at the sight. 

“Here you go, my dear. Two Batuu-bons for you.”

“Oh, thank you, Haera! Thank you!” You eagerly grabbed the bag and peered in. Sure enough, two of your treats were packaged neatly and sitting at the bottom, all but calling your name. 

“Are you taking the transport straight home?” she asked as she began to sink back into her kitchen to help her employees prepare ordered meals.

“No,” you said placing some credits on the counter to pay for your treats. “I’m going to walk home. I like the long way through the forest.” And it would give you time to eat in another one of your favorite spots.

“I see.” She took the credits and slid them into her pocket. “Should I call your mother to let her know where you’re going?”

“No. She knows I like going through the forest. And I don’t have to be home until dark. It’ll be okay!”

“Well don’t delay. The forest can be dangerous for a little girl all alone. Especially with outsiders on the planet.”

You didn’t have to ask her to know that she spoke of the First Order. No one liked them on the planet. Batuu wanted to remain neutral, not allied with either the First Order or the Resistance. The First Order’s presence on the planet caused distress to many of the inhabitants here. 

You nodded. “I won’t. ‘Til the spire!” You waved at her before darting back to join the masses once more. They engulfed you, pulling you with the flow. You could hear them speaking to each other in the market, bartering and haggling, chatting and catching up, muttering and cursing. Almost everyone spoke a different language. You counted about twelve unique ones before your head started to spin. They were all amazing to listen to. Though you couldn’t always understand them, you got the basic meaning of what they were saying. You were always good at reading people like that.

There was a scream of alarm up ahead, drawing your attention. At once the crowd parted to make way for something—for someone. 

You could just barely see them through the crowd, marching in unison with their blasters held tight.

Stormtroopers.

You shuddered. Those white, expressionless helmets made your stomach churn with anxiety whenever you saw them. They gave you a bad feeling, an evil one. You stayed far away from them when you could. Your eyes never left them as they passed.

The four of them walked in a square, their unseeing helmets scoping the scene. The one closest to you glanced down when he passed, almost as if he sensed your presence. His gaze settled on you for a moment, long enough to be noticeable but short enough to make you think you imagined it. His head passed over you fluidly, as if he never looked at you in the first place.

They spared not a glance to anyone after that, their steps holding purpose and dignity. All of the Batuuans were beneath them it seemed. They passed quietly, clearing the path with their presence alone.

You didn’t hesitate in darting in behind them, taking advantage of the path to grow closer to the edge of the Outpost. It wasn’t long before you were in the forest. You plunged into silence, the large trees around you soaking up and canceling all sound from the Outpost. Your feet moved on their own accord, leading you through the overgrown paths that you’d made on your own from your countless treks through the woods to your very own spot.

There was a meadow there, in the center of the forest on the way back home. You’d discovered it years ago and you loved it. It was peaceful and isolated and belonged only to you. No one else knew of this place. 

You padded out to the center of the meadow and sat down, yanking off your boots. The soft grass tickled your toes as you dug them into the dirt. The cool soil soothed your skin. You set your bag down and reclined in the grass, staring up at the suns which beat down on your skin. It wasn’t long before you heard the whispers and you closed your eyes.

The dandelions that sprouted from the ground around you caressed your body. They sang to you the songs of the deep, told you tales from Batuu’s past. They talked to you. You listened. 

You didn’t know why you could hear them, but it was the same thing with almost every living creature. If you listened close enough, you could hear them whispering to you. They told you secrets and facts. You thought everyone could hear the trees talking to them, but your parents had only looked at you with confusion and concern when you brought it up to them. You haven’t spoken of it since.

The grass said it was because of the midi-chlorians that you could hear them, that you were special in ways you would never understand. But the grass never elaborated further than that and you never asked. You just listened.

You let out a shuddering breath as you let the world fall into you. In the silence, with only the plants keeping you company, you could feel everything. It was warm and bright as it greeted you like an old friend. This was home.

“Bright suns,” you greeted to no one in particular.

 _You’re early today_ , whispered the dandelions beside you.

“I got a snack, I thought I’d come and enjoy it here.” You sat up and reached for your bag. You pulled out the first sweet and immediately unwrapped it and bit into it.

 _If you eat so many sweets, you might get tired of them_ , chided the trees.

“I could never!” The sweetness on your tongue filled you with delight and you continued to eat. “Besides, I’ll save the second one to share with Mama and Papa. I think they’d like that, don’t you?”

_Oh, yes. Your parents would love that very much._

You nodded and popped the rest of your treat in your mouth. “Then I’ll save it. I don’t have to be home for a while. I’ll stay here until then.” You left the bag at your side and lay back down in the grass, turning on your side so you could look at the dandelion nearest to you. “Do you have any stories for me?”

 _None that you haven’t already heard,_ it replied. _You already know all the secrets of the planet. I have no other stories._

Your lip jutted out in a pout. “There must be something you have to tell me. What about the First Order? My mama and papa won’t tell me about them, but you might be able to. Are they still here?”

_Yes._

“Will they leave soon?”

_We believe so. There are fewer of them on the ground. They seem to be packing up._

You huffed. “Thank the gods. I want life to go back to normal.” 

_It will. Just give it time and—_

The dandelion fell silent.

You frowned and reached out to poke it. “Time and what?”

_Be still._

“Huh?” Your brow furrowed. 

_Someone is coming. He is—_

You felt it. The air around you grew cold and hostile, all warmth fleeing from your bones. There was something coming, something dark. Panic filled you, but you lay still. You were too petrified to do anything. The grass around you darkened, a large shadow blocking the sun. You could hear the grass crunching under feet stop only inches away from you but you didn’t dare move a muscle.

A low chuckle sounded from above you. “I know who you are, girl,” said a male’s voice. “I can sense you. You’re strong in the Force. You couldn’t stay hidden for long.”

Your breath hitched in the back of your throat and you squeezed your eyes shut. You didn’t know this man, but you could feel the darkness rolling off him in waves. He wasn’t a good man. He wanted to hurt you. 

“Look at me, girl. Let me see your face.” His voice was a sad attempt at gentleness. 

Regardless, you found yourself obeying. You slowly lifted your body off the ground, pulling your head up last and looking over your shoulder. You gasped in horror.

His twisted face grinned at you from above, his blue eyes piercing your head. He towered over you, his golden robes only adding to his grandeur. He chuckled darkly. “Pretty little thing, aren’t you? You’re so young and yet…” He bent down and reached forward, taking your cheek in his large hand.

You flinched away from him, trying feebly to get away.

He hardly let you go. “You will make a great apprentice.”

“N-No,” you choked out, your voice small. You knew what was going to happen. You saw it flashing before your eyes. You saw him picking up your frail body and taking you somewhere against your will. You saw it happening and yet you were powerless to stop it.

“Yes… Now come. Be a good little girl and obey.”

“No! Please!” You began to squirm, trying to put as much distance between yourself and the stranger as possible. You were scared. Your heart raced. 

The wind around you picked up as the sky darkened with clouds rolling over the suns. The grass screamed on your behalf, protesting and begging for help. The pebbles in the ground trembled with a fear to match your own.

He placed his hand on your head, his eyes narrowing at you. “ _Sleep now, girl._ When you wake, all will be fine.”

You tried so hard to fight him, but your limbs felt heavy, your eyes drooping. And it wasn’t long before you were lying in his arms, the meadow falling far behind you with only your tiny boots and a single Batuu-bon as the only evidence you existed there at all. 

You burrowed your feet under the rough, wool blanket as you turned over on the thin mat you lay on now, wishing you were back in the meadow with the soft cushion of the earth. You could still feel the grass between your toes, the light on your face, the warmth of home. But those were only memories. This man—Snoke, as you learned he was called—took you away from the warmth and the light, plunging you into the darkness of a starship larger than anything you’d ever known. 

He said you were sensitive to the Force, though what he meant by that, you didn’t know at the time. He said your cells were nothing but midi-chlorians. You didn’t understand this either. He said he would train you. You didn’t like it. You hated him. You never listened.

He tried for years to make you do his bidding—to train you in the ways of the dark side of the Force. All he did was make you more aware of your capabilities. You learned about the Force, about what you could do with it. You tried to escape time after time. You just wanted to go home. He caught you, of course. Though you had more raw power than him, he had more experience and knowledge. He could subdue you with ease. 

He realized that he wouldn’t be able to control you. By year six, he could no longer control your mind. He was losing his hold over you. He knew it. You knew it. 

In a desperate attempt to contain you, he locked you away. You resided in the depths of the Supremacy, in a metal cell with no life around you. He cut you off from almost everything except himself, hoping that the isolation would drive you back to him.

But you couldn’t. Even when you caved and begged him to take you out, vowing you would comply, you still couldn’t fall to the dark side. It was like something inside you wouldn’t let you. You never fell to the dark, but you couldn’t quite enter the light either. You were balanced, unable to step into either, cursed to forever walk the line between.

Back to the cell you went until you would bow to him. Every month he tried again, opting to not waste his time with a hopeless cause. He hurt you, trying to use the rage you felt towards him and pain to corrupt your spirit. But you never could use the dark side completely. There was too much light in you.

You stayed on the Supremacy, in a barren cage, for a decade and a half until you forgot everything. You couldn’t remember your mother or your father. You couldn’t remember your home. You couldn’t remember the taste of a Batuu-bon or the feeling of grass between your toes. You couldn’t even remember your own name.

But, as you lay down every night to sleep, you did remember warmth. It filled you every time you used the force. That warmth that came from connections and bonds was present in your heart whenever you called on the Force that bound you and everything together. You remembered that warmth, reveled in it, let it chase away the darkness of your prison. 

And you held onto that like it was your lifeline, like it was the only thing to tether you to this world. The Force was there when nothing else was. And as you fell asleep each night, you let it hold you in its embrace, welcoming it like an old friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to @Lunaxxx for reassuring me in this madness. Though I've been scared to write and post this, you've constantly kept me going. Here's to the energy circle and what's to come!


	3. The Light in the Dark

Kylo Ren couldn’t sleep.

Not that this wasn’t common for him aboard the Supremacy, but it still bothered him. It was only here, in his bed on the capital ship, that something kept him awake. He could feel it calling to him as it had for years.

He’d been with Snoke for three years now, and he never had this trouble when they were off-ship training. It was only here.

He could feel something calling him through the Force. It was loud and it drowned out everything else. He’d never felt something as strong as this and it only grew stronger with each passing day. 

He turned over in his bed, yanking the sheets up to cover his torso. A frustrated huff fell from his lips as he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block out the cries. Whatever it was, it was in pain. He could feel its pain growing stronger with every second. He covered his head with his pillow, willing his mind to block it out. He needed to silence it.

But it persisted.

Kylo groaned and threw back the covers, letting the cold air bite at his bare torso. He gave up on sleep. It wasn’t going to come to him no matter how hard he tried. 

He paced the length of his room, the fire crackling in the fireplace the only sound. Aside from the crying, that is. It was maddening. He would’ve thought that, after three years of this, he would’ve gotten used to it. He thought that he could tune it out. 

But no, it seemed that he was doomed to never sleep. 

A louder wail—a scream, it seemed—shook him from his pacing and he slowed to a stop. It was in pain and the Force was reacting to it. Kylo grit his teeth as he turned to the flames in the room. He needed it to stop. He had to find it. Three years had driven him insane and he had to find this beacon and silence it. He had to do something.

He sat down before the flames, letting the gentle noise tug at his mind. Crossing his legs, he relaxed his body, falling into his meditating position. His eyes fluttered shut and he took in a deep breath through his nose. Falling into darkness, he called out to the Force, urging it to show him what was calling him. It couldn’t be anything bad. The beacon only called to him on this ship and he knew that nothing that meant him harm could be here. Snoke and his reputation had made sure of that. 

So then what was it? He was tired of not knowing. 

Deep breaths filled his lungs as he focused in on the call. Nothing else mattered except for tracking the being that called to him. He fell into the embrace of the Force, listening to its whispers, urging it to show him what both he and it wanted him to see.

He was taken out of his chambers, down the hall, to the right. A left, followed by a right and two more lefts, led him to the elevator and the elevator led him down. The further he traveled from his chambers, the stronger the force pulling at him became. He could feel it gripping him tightly, urging him to hurry, begging for the contact.

He stayed in the elevator for a long time, falling deep into the hull of the Supremacy. Kylo didn’t recognize the floor number he stopped on, but it didn’t take him long to realize why: this was the cell floor—only used to hold prisoners of the First Order. It was rarely occupied. He didn’t understand why the Force pulled him here, but it continued to tug at him. It was then that he caught a glimpse of what was calling to him. 

Towards the end of the corridor, on the right side of the hall, shone a light. It was faint but bright enough to be abnormal. He could feel the warmth coming from it as well as the energy that pulled him. He let it carry him down the long corridor until it slowed just outside a barred door that read “LX-117”.

The pull stopped at the cell door, freezing him in place. He tried peering into the small room through the bars, but the picture wouldn’t focus. He could just barely make out a figure shrouded in light sitting in the corner. The figure, a woman from the looks of it, sat with her knees pulled to her chest and her head down but that was all he could make out. The energy and light coming from her, however, reached for him, clawing onto him desperately. The glow grew brighter the longer he was there. 

He tried to force his way through to get a better look, but something stopped him at the bars. He couldn’t pass, not even with all his might and concentration. If he wanted to see who was calling him, he realized, he’d have to go in person. 

Opening his eyes, he was back in his chambers. The fire was still crackling before him, though a bit quieter as it died down. The call, however, was still as loud as ever. It was deafening now, loud enough to drown out everything else. 

He climbed to his feet and made quick steps to his closet to yank open the door. He grabbed a shirt, a tunic, and his cloak, deeming them to be enough to cover him. His helmet sat on the dresser beside his door. He grabbed that too, pulling it onto his head as he slammed his hand on the control pad beside his door. It slid open with a hiss and he was released from his chambers. 

He followed the path he’d traveled not moments before, his long legs making the journey swift. He hardly came upon anything living—just the random First Order officer or sanitation droid working in the night—leaving him on his journey alone. 

He came to the elevator and took it down all the way to the cell floor. Through his helmet, he could see the floor numbers rapidly declining. His foot tapped impatiently. The call was growing stronger, latching onto his physical form and pulling him. He could feel the Force flowing through his body, weaving its tendrils through its limbs and finding a home in his chest. It clung to his life and hummed with satisfaction.

He let it. He let it pull him to where it wanted him to go. 

When the elevator doors slid open, he made wide and swift steps down the hall. He searched for the blinding light that had drawn him before, but he saw nothing. There was no light other than what was provided by the lanterns above. 

Kylo proceeded down the hall, his head turned to the right, searching for the number he’d been shown earlier.

LX-117.

It had to be here somewhere. He just needed to find it.

His eyes scanned the numbers until, at last, he found it. The tugging at his heart had stopped, the Force satisfied with his proximity. He slowed to a stop outside the cell and peered in. It was then that he got a good look at the cell’s occupant.

It was a woman alright, small and frail and terrified. He could feel the fear rolling off her in waves. She wasn’t glowing anymore, but he could still feel the warmth of the Force shrouding her. It was comforting in an odd sort of way.

He watched the figure with curious eyes. She sat so still he would’ve sworn that she was carved from stone. Her face stayed planted on her knees, her hands locked tight around them. She was frozen.

Questions flowed through Kylo’s mind. Who was she? What was she doing here? Why was she calling him? _How_ was she calling him?

All these and more he wanted to ask her. But he never got the chance.

As if sensing his presence outside her cell, her head snapped up and her eyes captured him with a smoldering intensity. Her face was unreadable, but the air around her shifted greatly towards fear. Her lips parted and there was a sharp intake of breath.

For a moment, neither of them moved. Kylo was too entrapped to even shift a muscle. She was too paralyzed by the sheer mass of him to do anything.

He wanted to speak, to ask her what was going on, but she beat him to the punch. And when he heard her voice, he faltered a bit.

She shied away from him, and in the smallest of voices, she begged, “Please don’t hurt me.”


	4. The Man in the Door

They were hurting you again. All the pain, they said, would make you stronger—would help you turn to the dark side. The Supreme Leader said that pain, fear, and anger brought out the worst in people and could lead them to the dark side.

But, although they had instilled all three in you, you could not submit. 

This night was just another prime example of that.

You felt the Praetorian Guard’s blade cutting through your skin, Snoke’s power picking through your mind, pulling your body limb from limb, the pain all over. You felt them hurting you once more and you loathed them for it.

But you couldn’t do anything. You were powerless to stop them.

They said you were strong with the Force, but you still didn’t know how to use or control it and that frustrated you to no end. After countless years, you still couldn’t do the wonders they said you were capable of. You couldn’t move things, you couldn’t hurt people, you couldn’t sneak into their minds and make them do things, you couldn’t do anything.

You hated it.

Your skin stung as you leaned back into the wall of your barren cell. Snoke had let his guards pay special attention to your back for today’s round of “training.” You were told to fend them off with your eyes covered and using the Force or you’d be hurt. 

You were hurt. 

Their blades had drawn patterns in your skin, drawing streams of blood, until you collapsed from the pain. It was only then, when you were too hurt to move, that the Supreme Leader let them take you back to your cell.

You hissed in pain as the wounds made contact with the metal behind you, but the chill soothed it shortly after. Your head fell back against the wall and you let out a shaky sigh as your eyes began to burn.

“Don’t cry,” you whispered to yourself. Crying would do nothing but dehydrate you and you couldn’t afford for that to happen. You couldn’t cry; you wouldn’t let them have that satisfaction.

Instead you squeezed your eyes shut and closed yourself off from the world. Your happy place was in your mind, in your body where you could feel _it_.

You couldn’t use the Force, but you could feel it. It was always there, slumbering in the pit of your stomach. It was warm and knowing and comforting as it rested there. It’d been there all your life, you’d learned, you just didn’t know what it was. But now you did and you needed it more than ever.

The Force was the only thing that reminded you that you were alive. It was the bond between all things, living ones included. If it held you, that meant you were alive too. You needed to know that every night as you lay down to sleep—that you were alive and that there were other living things in this world besides Snoke and his guards.

Oh, how you wished that you could just see someone else alive. Snoke’s face had been the only one you’d known for so many years that you’d all but forgotten what another human—or any creature for that matter—looked like. You just wanted to know that there was something else on this damned ship. 

They kept your prison floor vacant save for you. They figured that isolating you and giving you countless hours to meditate or whatever would help you. You knew they really just wanted to drive you mad with loneliness so you would submit. It nearly worked. You didn’t know what your role in the Force was, but you knew it wasn’t to be alone. You were meant to be around life, meant to exist in something other than yourself.

You found yourself dreaming about others in the night.

Men, women, children.

Flowers, trees, grass.

Life in all its beauty with you in the middle of it all. 

Sometimes, when you were awake, you found yourself thinking about it and that warm feeling in your stomach grew even warmer. You craved life. You craved contact. You craved anything but the pain your captors gave you. Some nights you wondered if anyone ever knew you existed, if they could sense you through the Force.

You knew, however, that there was no one who could. You’d heard the whispers that there were very few onboard who were Force-sensitive and you doubted that even they would feel you. You weren’t strong or large enough for that. 

You were cold. The night air summoned goosebumps on your skin. You wanted your blanket, but that required moving and moving meant pain. You forced your eyes open and looked at the blanket that sat on your mat across the small cell. It was only a few feet away but it looked like miles. You raised your hand pathetically, willing it to fly to your open palm by use of the Force. It didn’t, not that you’d actually expected it to. 

You waited a few more seconds before you finally pulled yourself from your spot in the wall. Your open wounds screamed in protest, but you ignored them. They could be uncomfortable for just a bit while you got yourself some warmth. You snatched the wool blanket from your mat and tugged it over to your corner, leaning back before covering yourself with it.

The coarse fabric bit at your skin, but you didn’t mind. You’d had nothing else for so long that it didn’t bother you anymore. You pulled it all the way up to your neck and were just getting comfortable and warm when the temperature in your cell dropped. Something heavy and cold had just entered the vicinity and you didn’t know what it was. You stilled, your eyes darting around the cell. There was nothing inside with you.

Your eyes flickered out towards the cell door and you stared through the bars. There was something outside and it was looking in. You could feel it.

You turned your head away and squeezed your eyes shut. It had to be one of the guards. They were the only ones who knew you were here. They’d come to hurt you.

 _No more,_ you begged silently. _Stay out._

You could feel it pushing in, trying to get through to you, but you wouldn’t let it. You didn’t want it in.

It pushed again.

You slowly opened your eyes and looked out and, for a moment, you were stunned.

There was a man outside your cell, but he wasn’t anyone you’d ever seen before. You saw his face: smooth and dotted with moles. His eyes were intense and intrigued and his lips were plump. His face was set in a stoic frown as he peered at you, his eyes narrowed and searching. For a moment, you thought he saw you and was staring right at you, but his eyes remained unseeing.

You wanted to know what he was looking for, who he was, and what he was doing here. But, just as you were about to call out to him, he vanished. As quickly as he appeared, he was just simply gone.

As if he’d never existed in the first place.

You blinked several times, trying to conjure him once more, but it was no use. He was gone. 

Alone again, you settled back into your corner, though your heart was ill at ease. Had you just imagined it all? Something inside you told you that you hadn’t but you didn’t know what it could’ve been if not a figment of your imagination. You tried to shove it out of your memory and instead closed your eyes, retreating into the small bit of warmth your blanket gave and the warmth that pooled in your stomach.

It was the warmth of happier times you fell into. Though the memory had long faded through the years, the feeling in the pit of your stomach remained as strong as ever, preserved through a stubborn refusal to let go. You held onto it and fell back into it every night, letting it lull you to sleep. 

You were almost asleep when you heard it: the heavy thudding of footsteps. Your eyes flew open and you were suddenly wide awake. No one came down this way unless they were feeding you or retrieving you to take to _him_. It was not a mealtime. 

You gripped your blanket tighter as if it would protect you and you stared at the cell door.

A shadow loomed on the ground, only growing larger. The sound of footsteps echoed in the hall before stopping. 

You sat there expecting a guard coming to fetch you, but what you saw when you lifted your head was far worse.

It was a figure you’d never seen before, one dressed in all black with a haunting mask. It stared at you with cold, ruthless darkness. The silver embedded in it only added emphasis to its scowl. He stopped right outside your cell and stared at you. He was here for you. You felt small under the stranger’s gaze, your heart pounding with panic. You could feel the power surrounding him and you realized with a drop of your heart that you were completely vulnerable and at his mercy.

“Please,” you whispered in a small voice, “don’t hurt me.” You didn’t know what else to say.

He stayed silent, pondering, his gaze unwavering. He was so still you would’ve thought him to be a statue had you not seen him move moments before. He made no move to indicate a purpose to you. Instead he just stared at you. That was all he did.

It made you worried. He didn’t seem like he was sent to fetch you. If he was, he would be unlocking the door and coming in for you. He also didn’t seem like he was going to hurt you. He had no apparent weapons on him. But that didn’t make you any less nervous. You’d learned to fear everyone but yourself in your years as a prisoner.

“Who are you?” you asked, refusing to move a muscle in his direction. “What do you want?”

Silence.

And then he moved.

You flinched away as he took a step towards the cell door. He held up his hand with a nonchalant wave and suddenly it swung open. He didn’t even need the key. 

You yelped in alarm and tried to press yourself further into the wall as he made quick strides over to you. He swiftly came up to you and went down on bended knee, his elbows perched on his leg and his face leaning in. You couldn’t see his eyes, but you could feel them on you.

You turned your head and squeezed your eyes shut, bracing yourself for anything. 

The air was so tense you could cut it, though most of that tension came from you and your fear. You hated this unknown man being so close to you. You hated not knowing what he would do. You wished he would hit you or speak or do anything; then you would know his purpose.

You heard him draw in a deep breath before a mechanic and rough voice broke the silence whispering, “You’re just a girl…” 

Your lips turned down. “Please,” you said again, “just leave me alone.”

You felt is confusion fill the air. “You’re just a girl so why…?” He seemed to be speaking more to himself than anything, his voice distorted by a modifier in his mask. He lifted a gloved hand and reached for you.

You flinched. “Don’t,” you said quickly, your hand shooting up to block him. The sudden movement caused the wounds on your body to yell. You hissed in response, frantically trying to find a spot that relieved the pain. “Don’t hurt me,” you said shying away from him.

He paused for a moment before saying, “I won’t.” He lowered his hand and retreated a few inches, giving you space. His gaze never left you. “Who are you?”

“I… I don’t know,” you admitted. You were never sure of your title, your role, or your identity. “Girl” and “LX-117” were what you were called most often, but they were not you. 

“What is your name?” he tried again, his voice prying and needy.

“My name?”

A nod.

You frowned. “I… I don’t remember. It’s been years since…” Since your name had even been uttered. Your name didn’t matter here and so you didn’t need it.

“Since what?” He demanded. 

“Since he took me. I haven’t had a name since he took me from the meadow.” That was the last time you could remember having something that was your own. 

The stranger went quiet, his head bowed in thought. “You are a prisoner.” It was more of a statement than a question, like he already knew the answer.

“I am,” you confirmed, though you didn’t know why you answered him. This man was a stranger.

“Why did he take you?” His voice was insistent as if he was just waiting to know.

You didn’t respond right away as you eyed him warily. You had no reason to tell him anything, and yet you didn’t have anything else to say but the truth. “He…” You frowned. “Who are you? Why should I tell you this?”

“I am Kylo Ren,” he said. “I am the Supreme Leader’s apprentice.”

Apprentice? You didn’t even know that the monster had an apprentice. But, then again, there were many things you didn't know. “How did you find me?” you asked in a low voice. To your knowledge, no one else on the ship knew about you. You never saw anyone else, at least. If the apprentice was here then had Snoke gotten tired of trying to train you and sent his apprentice to get rid of you? Your breathing quickened at the thought and you tried to push yourself further away from the man. “What do you want with me?”

He didn’t move and he didn’t answer you. Instead he said, “You’re afraid of me.”

“Of course I am. I don’t know you.” 

“I won’t hurt you,” he said again as if that would make you any less frightened.

It didn’t. 

You stayed as far away from him as you could in the small cell with him blocking you in your corner. 

He paused for a moment more before he reached up to grasp his helmet. His fingers disappeared under the mask and it hissed. The face popped forward and he lifted his helmet off his head to reveal his face.

You sucked in a breath sharply as you recognized him. “Y-You… I know you.”

“You call to me every night,” he said, his voice raw and original. “I hear your longing, your desperation.”

“No! That’s not— That’s not what I mean. You were just outside my cell.” You were certain of it. You didn’t see many faces so you remembered every one you came across. This was the man that had just been outside your cell not long ago, staring at you with an intense intrigue

His eyebrows creased in confusion. “You could see me?”

“Of course I could see you! You were standing right there!” 

“But I was not. I sought you out using the Force. I followed your call. But… Never mind, it’s not important.” He shook his head and brought his eyes up to meet yours. The brown was so dark in the dim light that they were almost black and they searched your face. “You call to me every night and I want to know why. I can’t sleep because I hear you.”

“I call to you?”

“Yes. I can feel you. You’re desperate for something, but I don’t know what. I can assume it’s your freedom now that I know you are a prisoner but… That still doesn’t tell me why you’re here.” Those lips of his turned down in a frown and he tilted his head to the side. “Why did the Supreme Leader take you?”

“H-He said I am strong in the Force and that he wants to use that… But I don’t know what for and I can’t use it. I can’t use the Force no matter how hard he wants me to.”

“But you do. You use the Force every night. I feel it.” He seemed puzzled by your claim. “Even now, I can feel the Force in your presence. It is strong here, overwhelming. It surrounds you.” He gestured vaguely as if indicating its presence, but you felt nothing different. “I hear you calling every night,” he said again. His frown deepened, his eyes searched your face. “You’re scared.”

You knew this. “Always.”

“But why?”

Your back ached in response. You had to fight the urge to hold it. “They hurt me.” 

This he seemed to understand. “The Supreme Leader, you mean.”

You nodded. “And his men.” The memory of the Praetorian Guard’s blade dragging across your flesh was still fresh in your mind. “They think that if they anger me, it will help me fall to the dark side. They think that my fear and anger of being hurt will give me enough power.”

He nodded. “It is true that fear and anger paired with hatred and aggression will do that.” His lips formed a straight line as his eyes found your face once more. “I wonder…” He trailed off as he reached for you, his gloved hand hovering just inches from your face.

At first, you didn’t know what he was doing but then you felt it: that familiar, uncomfortable tug at your head. You could feel his presence inside your skull—exactly how Snoke felt when he tried to peek into your mind and control you, only a bit gentler. 

You didn’t even take a moment to think before you reacted. “No! Get out of my head!” you yelled, pushing back at him with all your might.

He fell back, seemingly pushed by an invisible Force. His eyes were wide as he looked at you. “I can’t see into your mind,” he said, his voice even but bewildered as if it had never been in his realm of possibility to not see into someone’s mind. “You are using the Force and you don’t even know it. How…?”

You hated the way he was looking at you, like you were a new toy for him to play with. You were tired of being someone’s experiment. “I don’t know, okay? They’ve been trying to figure out how and why and what makes me tick for years and I don’t know. I’m too tired of trying to find out. Just leave me alone.”

He fell silent and lowered his head. Those brown eyes of his were downcast as he frowned, his brow creasing with thought. 

You would’ve thought that you’d welcome the silence, but it just unsettled you. To not know what was going through his mind made you anxious, especially since those thoughts probably concerned you. 

“I want to know why only I seem to hear you,” he finally said. “I want to know why it’s me you call to and I think you do too, so I don’t think I can leave you alone just yet. But…” He rose to his feet and took his helmet in his hand. “I will leave you for the night. Rest for now. I will return tomorrow.” He didn’t wait for you to respond before he put his helmet back on, turned around, and walked right out of your cell. His footsteps echoed in the hall, growing fainter until you assumed he boarded an elevator at the end of the hall.

You were left alone with your thoughts and you found them only on him. Why was he so interested in you? He’d said you were using the Force to call out to him, but how?

You sat back, a sour frown on your face. You were incapable of using the Force, you thought. You’d never done it to your knowledge and you believed you never would; it was impossible. But this man just came waltzing into your miserable life and announced that our been doing the impossible every night for the gods knew how long.

How long had you called to him? Why had you called to him? What did your subconscious hope to gain?

_A tether._

_A connection to a life other than your own._

You scoffed at the idea. It was pathetic, a useless wish you’d given up on when you were a child. You would never have that tether, never have that connection, never have companionship—not as long as you were here and you’d accepted that long ago. 

You dragged yourself out of your corner and crawled to the thin mat that served as your bed. You pulled your body onto it and lay down on your stomach to avoid agitating your back and pulled your blanket over you. 

This Kylo Ren was going to haunt you, you just knew it. In his mission to know why you called to him, he was going to do something irreversible and you had a feeling that you were going to be caught in the center of it. He wanted answers to why you used the Force, to why only he seemed to hear you.

But maybe, just maybe you thought as you closed your eyes to sleep, you wanted him to find the answers too.


	5. First Attempt

You felt him before you saw or heard him. His presence filled the hall with something you could only identify as Kylo Ren.

He came in the dead of night, breaking the silence with heavy footsteps that came your way.

You’d been trying to sleep, the thin mat beneath you providing little comfort as always, when you felt him. But, even though his presence was overwhelming, you hardly stirred. You closed your eyes and tried to even your breathing. Maybe it was because some part of you desperately hoped that he would see you asleep and turn back.

You were not so lucky.

You heard him stop outside your cell and stop. He was silent for a few moments before he said, “I know you’re not asleep.” His voice was distorted by a modifier so you knew he was wearing his mask. “I may not be able to see into your head but I can feel your consciousness.”

You paused for a moment before you slowly picked yourself up. You couldn’t bring yourself to look up at him. “Why are you here?”

“Is it not obvious?” You heard him unlatch the lock on your cell and push the door open. “I’ve come to find out why you call to me.” He took slow steps into the cell. “I know you want to know as well, and so maybe this can help you… Maybe you can finally learn to use the Force.” There was a low hiss as his helmet came undone and you felt him lower himself to the ground beside you. “Why won’t you look at me?” he asked, his voice smooth and curious.

“Because I want to pretend you’re not here. If I don’t acknowledge you, maybe you’ll be simply a figment of my imagination.”

“But you just acknowledged me there.” He chuckled. “You don’t have to be scared of me, I have already said I won’t hurt you. I just found you. Now… Look at me.”

You were almost scared to look at him. You didn’t know what he wanted to do with you, but you also knew that it might be worse if you resisted. Slowly, you lifted your gaze to meet his eyes. 

A small smirk played at his lips. “Very good,” he mused, rolling back to sit down across from you. “First, I wanted to see if you know you’re calling to me. Even now I can feel you tugging at me.”

“I’m not doing it on purpose.”

“I figured as much. But try to. See if you can intentionally reach for me. If we can get you to do it on your own, we might be able to understand why you’ve been doing it for all this time.”

You couldn’t help but think that this was stupid and he was crazy. His thought process was totally foreign and alien to you. Doing it on purpose would stop you from doing it on accident? Did he forget the part when you told him you couldn’t control the Force at all? You frowned at him. “Sir, it won’t work. I don’t—”

“Just try. You won’t know until you try. And if not for your sake, then do it for mine. I’m tired and I need sleep. I can’t do that with you in my head at night.” His voice was exhausted, pleading. It was something you weren’t used to.

“And how do you expect me to do this?”

“Reach out. You feel the Force around you. You can feel me in it. Reach for me. Make it intentional and give it purpose.”

“How do you know this will work?”

“I don’t, but you’ll just have to try.”

That failed to reassure or guide you and you found yourself dreading the task ahead of you even more. You were terrified of your failure and what it would mean, but you knew Kylo wouldn’t leave you until you’d tried. Taking a deep breath, you straightened up. “Alright. Fine. I’ll try.” You tried to guide yourself into a state of peace. Until this point, you’d been forced into anger and hatred, told to use those to channel your power. But now you were safe—or as safe as could be with this stranger before you. He said he wouldn’t hurt you; you could try in peace. 

You closed your eyes and settled in, sitting deep on the thin mat and trying to ground yourself. You had to reach out for him, he said. You had to try and find him through the Force. You could feel it around you, stirring ever so slightly with the presence of two in the cell. It shouldn’t have been hard to find him, you were the only two around for what seemed like miles. You blindly groped through the darkness for him, searching for any sign of life. 

There was none. It was simply an endless sea of nothing. You couldn’t feel anything around you. 

“You’re not trying,” he scolded, his voice cold and impatient. 

You opened your eyes, the orbs locking into him. “I am.”

“I can’t feel you.”

You resisted rolling your eyes. “Because it’s not working.”

His lips pulled down in a sour frown and he leaned into you. “You need to try and find me. You do it every night without knowing it. And now you have to do it on command.”

“I can’t find you. I’m in the Force but you’re not there.” 

“Then search harder. I am right here, closer than ever before. You can find me. You need to find me.”

“Why? Why do I have to do any of this?” You didn’t really understand why this mattered. With Snoke, you knew you had to try or you would be hurt. You knew you had to do it because he controlled you and because he held you prisoner. You knew you had no choice. 

But with Kylo, there was no looming threat. 

“Because I said so.” He said this like it was obvious, like there was no other reason for you to obey him. “You have something inside you that calls to me, that needs me, and I need to know what it is and how it calls.”

You shook your head and scooted away from him, pushing your back I got the wall. “No. I don’t want to do it. You cannot make me.”

“Oh, but I can. I don’t want to, but I can do things with the Force you couldn’t even dream of.” He pushed forward so he was on his hands and knees. With slow, languid movements, he crawled toward you until his face was just inches away from yours. Those deep eyes of his seemed to pierce your very soul and he twisted his head ever so slightly to stare at you. “If you won’t give me an answer willingly, then I will take one from you.”

You recoiled, your heart rate speeding up. “You said you wouldn’t hurt me. You promised.” Your voice trembled with something you were very familiar with: fear. Pain was something you feared the most because you couldn’t control it. You couldn’t dictate how much you felt, where it was placed, or when it would stop. You feared him hurting you.

“So I did, and I won’t hurt you. But I don’t have to hurt you to get what I want.” A gloved hand reached for you, stopping before he actually touched you. “I can make you try. I can go into your head and force you to find me.”

“Don’t,” you whispered. “Please, don’t. I don’t want to try and find you in the Force. I don’t know you, I don’t want you here. I just want to be alone.” 

“Not yet. You will try.” 

“No, I won’t.”

“Yes, you will.” 

A weight filled your head, an alien presence that was not welcome. It was cold and firm, powerful and prying. It was  _ him _ , reaching in and making his home in your mind. 

Your heart sped up, the invading feeling causing a flush of anxiety to fill you. “Stop it,” you said in a low voice. “Get out.”

“Not until you try and you find me.” You saw his hand twisting, trembling with effort as he shoved his way into your head. 

“I did try. It didn’t work. Get out!” He was growing heavier, pushing your brain against your skull and filling you with a frigid stone. His Force signature was unlike anything you’d ever felt before and you hated it. You wanted him gone. 

His eyes searched your face, curious and intrigued. “I don’t think I will.” He moved closer so he was almost on top of you. You could feel his breath on your face. “Unless…”

“Unless what?” you demanded. You were holding your head now, the pressure beginning to hurt.

“Unless you make me.”

Your heart dropped but you couldn’t pay it any attention. You were too focused on the growing sense of suffocation. “No, just stop! Please!”

“Use the Force.” He was guiding you now, his voice firm and commanding. “If you can’t find me without stress, then maybe this will do the trick. Find me in your head and make me stop.”

“I can’t!” Your voice was molding with pained whimpers. You held your head tighter and doubled over, trying to relieve the pressure. “Just get out.”

“You can. You only need try. I won’t leave otherwise.”

“I can’t do it. Sir,  _ please _ .”

“Then you will suffer and you will keep suffering until I feel you. This is the only way you’ll learn.” His trembling intensified. “I wonder what I’ll find in your head if I go in further.”

You felt the tendrils of power poking through your brain, his energy surging through and trying to find your memories and call them forth. He pulled the most recent one, one of absolute pain and agony, the event that had cut your back so badly. The wounds tore apart anew, their pain refreshing and crying out. 

“Stop!” you shrieked. “No more!”

He didn’t speak, instead he went deeper in, conjuring every unpleasant feeling from the night. It hurt you, it caused you pain, and you were done.

You pulled back your hands, letting them off of your head before putting them on his shoulders and shoving with all your might. “Get out of my head!” 

And suddenly, light exploded. Kylo flew back and lifted his hand to shield his eyes. You fell back against the wall, power coursing through your veins and lifting you up. Warmth filled your limbs, a familiar feeling welcoming and taking you in like an old friend. You were weightless, the burden of your being held by the unseen Force. 

It glowed in you, filling every inch of your body. It forced him out and your mind was cleared.

And then you felt it: a moment of blissful silence. For only a moment you were weightless and the world was silent. You were the only thing to exist. There was nothing and there was everything all at once. You felt it all. You felt Kylo resting against the far wall, his energy dazed and confused. You felt the emptiness on your floor, the only other life form even close to you being a stormtrooper several floors above the cell. This absence of life prompted you to focus on nothing but the man before you.

Kylo Ren was in awe, his lips falling open as he reveled in your presence. He was shocked, you could feel that much. All of his emotions were on display. You could feel him, you could see him in the Force.

And then, just as soon as it had filled you, the Force was gone, seeping out of your body and leaving you utterly exhausted. 

You fell against the wall, your breath coming out in labored bursts. Your mind was reeling. You’d felt it, the Force. It was unlike anything that had ever happened before. It had filled you to the brim, merging with your very soul and being. You’d been there in everything. Is this what it was supposed to feel like?

You forced your eyes open and looked across the cell at Kylo.

He was still leaning against the wall, holding his torso and groaning. You knew the impact had hurt him just a little bit, but he had no visible injuries. Instead he looked awestruck. A small smile curled at his lips, prideful and confident. “You did it.”

“I don’t… I don’t even know what I did. How…?”

He grunted as he sat up and slowly rose to his feet. “You used the Force to do what you wanted. You wanted me out, you got me out. It is as simple as that. And now we know you can use it. This is good.”

“It is?” 

“Yes, it is. It means you are teachable.” He bent down and grabbed his helmet from its spot on the floor. “I will train you.”

Your heart dropped. “Wh-What?” Train you? To do what? Use the Force? Could he even do that? What about Snoke? Wasn’t he trying to unlock your powers? Would he be mad if you got training elsewhere? Would he punish you for being taught against your will? Your mind was reeling with questions. “But what about Snoke and—“

“The Supreme Leader does not need to know.” His voice was cold as he slid his helmet on over his head. It hummed as it closed around his head, and when he spoke again, his voice was distorted. “You need a teacher and his methods are not effective. I will guide you in the Force.” He left no time for you to argue as he walked back to the cell door and exited. As he fit it shut again, he looked at you, his unseen eyes closing in on your figure. “Rest tonight. I will return soon.”

And he vanished but was not entirely gone.

In the distance, you could still feel him—the power he emitted, his unique signature on the Force. You felt his footsteps echoing on the metal floors; you felt his breath disturbing the air; you felt his body taking up space. You felt  _ him _ .

And it was unlike anything you’d ever felt before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, idk about you, but The Rise of Skywalker absolutely destroyed me. BUT fear not, if this fic does actually follow canon, it will still be canon divergent and I will still fix everything. I'm not that mean.
> 
> I thank you, everyone, who has found your way here. I'm sorry that this is the first you've heard from me but hopefully I'll be doing a bit more of these notes as the story goes on. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!


	6. Feelings We Feel

For a week straight you felt your new self-proclaimed teacher and it was absolutely exhausting. Ever since the night he left you, you couldn’t stop feeling him. It was like you were tethered together. You followed him as he moved about in his day, from his quarters to different spots around the ship. Following him, you learned that the ship was far more expansive than you’d ever dreamed. You’d only ever known your small cell and the short path to your captor’s throne room and now you knew so much more. Kylo went so many places.

And if that wasn’t enough, you felt so many more people. The ship was full of them. Wherever Kylo went, he interacted with dozens of new people. Their signatures intermixed with his for mere moments at a time, aside from six people whom he seemed to interact with often, but it was just long enough for you to feel them. It was incredible. 

However, it was also very draining. You found yourself devoid of any and all energy at the end of the day. You weren’t used to so much stimulus all at one point and you were collapsed on your mat at night without even doing any work. You were mentally exhausted which caused a physical exhaustion as well. 

But, lying there at night, you started to understand what had drawn Kylo to you. Although faint, you felt it: a connection that even you weren’t aware of. You were tethered to him and it seemed that there was no way to break the link. Lying down was like lying in the same room with him. If you closed your eyes, you could almost feel his presence beside you. You unconsciously fed off of his energy, using it for strength and security. You didn’t think that being aware of this would do you any good, but you were sorely mistaken.

The first night you acknowledged your connection, you had the best sleep of your entire life. You dreamed of lovely things: of laughter and meadows and sitting in the grass. Digging your toes into the dirt, you felt at peace in this dream. And he was there with you. The man had somehow wiggled his way into your dream and sat with you at the opposite end of the field. Kylo’s eyes stayed trained on you in the dream, watching you with intense curiosity. 

You couldn’t remember the last time you’d been so at peace. You’d slept in late, being awoken with a start when the morning guard came by with your breakfast. You’d been surprised to wake up to the sound of the door opening and he’d been surprised that you were still asleep. Usually you would’ve been awake for hours before he came. 

Kylo came to you again at the end of the week in the dead of the night when everyone was asleep. 

You sat in your cell leaning into the corner with your eyes closed and tracked him every step of his journey. You saw him walking, that mask covering his head and cape billowing out behind him, in your mind’s eye. He was featureless, only a black mass moving through an endless sea of darkness, but you knew it was him. After a week of growing accustomed to his presence in the Force, you knew you’d never forget him and what he felt like.

You didn’t even look up when he came to the cell door. You didn’t need to. “I hate this,” you mumbled softly when he was close enough to hear you. “I can’t lose you.”

“I know.” His voice was modified once more. You found yourself growing irritated at it. You preferred his raw, unfiltered voice to this. “I felt you.” 

Your eyes flittered up as the door came unlocked and swung open. “Is this what’s been keeping you up at night? Me being there, in your head, all the time?”

He nodded as he stepped in. “You would cry for me, almost like you were asking to be found. It’s what led me here.”

“I feel it,” you admitted. “I feel the connection.”

“And tell me…” He fell gracefully to the floor in front of you and sat back on his heels. With slow movements, he reached up and removed his helmet. “How does it feel?” His eyes held yours captive, commanding an answer. 

You paused for a moment and shifted your weight. “It’s… It’s oddly calming. I didn’t think it would be.”

“I have to agree. This past week, the connection has been less desperate and desolate than before. It is almost as if it has changed because you’ve acknowledged it and can now feel it as I do.” He nodded thoughtfully. “I have slept better these last few nights than I have in years, and I think you are partially responsible for that. I dream of and with you, and it makes me wonder what you’re capable of with the Force.”

“How do you mean?”

“You’ve completely changed our connection just by acknowledging and finding it. Whether you did this consciously or unconsciously, I don’t believe it matters; you are strong with manipulative ways in the Force. And that will lead us to tonight’s lesson.”

“Lesson?”

“I said I would teach you, and I intend to make good on that promise. Now,” he spread his hands before him, gesturing vaguely, “what do you know about the Force?”

You frowned. “I… Not much, but what does that matter?”

“I need to know what you know and understand so I can get a baseline of your comprehension. I cannot teach you if I don’t know what to teach.” His eyes fluttered up and down your figure, scanning you quickly. “But if you have no understanding, then it seems I will need to teach you everything.” He groaned, exasperation clear in his voice. “I suppose we start from the beginning, then.”

“A-Alright.” 

Kylo kicked his legs out from underneath him and pulled them around, crossing them and sinking into a comfortable sitting position. He reached up and brushed some of the hair out of his face as he began to speak. “The Force is perhaps the most crucial thing in this universe. It is what binds us and holds everything together.”

“I thought it gave Force-users power,” you interjected, trying desperately to demonstrate a sense of understanding. For reasons unknown to even you, you wanted to prove that you could get this. “It lets them control people and make things float and move around, right?”

A frown overtook his lips and you immediately knew that you were at least partially wrong. “The Force isn’t just something that gives you power, it’s a feeling we all feel. It’s—”

“It’s alive.” You knew this for certain in your heart. Although you knew next to nothing about it, you knew this to be true. The Force was something that was given life, that gave you life. It was too free and open to be anything else. Your eyes flickered up and settled on his face. “I can feel its life. It’s warm and kind.”

“I suppose that is one interpretation.” He nodded slowly. “Regardless, whether it is alive or not, it is what ties us all together. It is our connection. Some people, those who are Force-sensitive like you and me, can use this connection and bend it to their will which is where you will find things floating around. You can use the Force to manipulate that which is around you and use that to your benefit. Does this make sense?”

You paused for a moment but nodded in the end. It really did and the more he spoke of it, the more you comprehended what was around and inside you. “It does but…”

“Yes?”

“I… I have to wonder where you learned all this. I… I’ve never been taught any of this in my… In my training.” You didn’t have any other word for what abuse Snoke inflicted on you when he tried to get you to use the Force for him. 

Kylo fell silent, his face hardening into a stone mask. He was guarding himself, choosing his words carefully. You almost thought he wouldn’t speak until he said, “I too had a teacher.”

“Snoke?” The word was venom on your tongue and left a bitter taste in your mouth. To think that a monster such as he could give the man before you this knowledge was absurd.

“Yes, Snoke; but another, a different teacher a long time ago.” He shifted uncomfortably. This was clearly a sore subject.

But you didn’t care. He’d piqued your interest. “What happened?”

“He betrayed me, and so I destroyed him and what he’d built. And though I despise him and want nothing more than his head on a platter, I still value his lessons. He was corrupt, but not a fool. He taught me more about the Force and its ways than I ever would’ve learned here. But that doesn’t matter.”

You didn’t see how it couldn’t matter, but you held your tongue.

He seemed ready to move on. “We are Force-sensitive. We can feel it around us and, if we are trained, we can use it to our advantage. Now, I will start you off with something easy. I want you to use the Force to try and see into my mind. Tell me what I am thinking.” He opened his posture, aiming his body at you as if this stance would help you in your task.

But you had no idea what you were doing. 

You stared at him, meeting his eyes and trying to stare into his soul like he seemed to do all the time with you. You wondered if you would pick up on something—anything—if you stared at him for long enough. 

A few moments of uncomfortable silence passed before Kylo let out an exasperated sigh. “Are you even trying?”

You were quick to answer. “Y-Yes, sir, I am; but I don’t know what I’m doing. I haven’t done this before.”

“Yes, you have. You’ve used the Force to find me. You’ve done it all this week. Now you just have to go one step further.” He placed his hands on the ground and shuffled closer to you as if closing the distance would make it easier. “Find the tether and follow it to my mind. You can do it.”

Find the tether. 

You took a deep breath and settled in. You could do it. You just had to listen to him and find the tether. You closed your eyes, plunging your mind into darkness. Your senses were emptied leaving room for the Force to take up residence. You sought it out, calling for that familiar feeling to fill you. 

It came at once, almost as if it were only waiting for your command. You were filled with that warmth and it came so suddenly that you drew a sharp intake of breath. You hadn’t expected it to be that easy after all the difficulty you’ve had over the years. But here it was, obeying you willingly. 

Submerged in the Force, you began to grope blindly for the tether that held you to the man across from you. You had to pick through all the strands and connections of energy that bound you to everything around you to find it, but that didn’t take long. You had a feeling that his close proximity helped with that, and for that you were grateful. You latched onto the connection and followed it closely, traveling the short distance to him. You paused outside his mind, wondering if this truly was okay. It felt wrong to invade another being’s private thoughts. You’d been on the receiving end of this Force power and it was not pleasant. You didn’t want to inflict that on anyone. But, then again, this was his will; he told you to do it.

And so, with that final push, you forced yourself into his mind to take a peek at his thoughts.

_ I feel her… Is this her presence? It’s warm… _

“You think I’m warm?” You scrunched up your nose. “I mean, the Force is warm, but still, sir. I don’t think I’ve ever been described as ‘warm’ before.”

His amused chuckle filled the air. “It is merely a word, LX-117.”

You opened your eyes to see him looking at you, his lips falling down from a smile that had once lived there. You found yourself starting to smile back. “I did it.”

“So you did.” He lifted his chin and looked down his nose at you. “Make no mistake, you still have a long way to go. You were able to do this so easily because we seem to have an existing connection and because I let you. It would not have been so simple had I wanted to keep you out of my mind.”

“I understand that, sir, but this is a small victory for me. I couldn’t do this at the beginning of the night.” And it wasn’t even the fact that you saw into his mind that excited you; no, it was the fact that you had used the Force consciously. You’d tracked it down and used it to your advantage. In one night, you had accomplished something that you hadn’t been able to do for over a decade. It amazed you. 

He only hummed and said, “Do it again.”

“Pardon?”

“Do it again. I want at least twenty more repetitions before we are done for the night.”

“T-Twenty?” you sputtered.

“Yes. Twenty. You will only be able to make progress if you continue to practice.”

You practiced. You would seek the Force out, sift through the unnecessary connections, find Kylo, follow him to his mind, work your way in, and read his thoughts. When you’d successfully picked it out, you had to sever the connection and do it all over again from the beginning. Each one of his thoughts seemed to be about you in some way or another, whether he was pointing out something in your hair, something about your attire, or something about your posture. You assumed he did this to try and make it easier for you, but it was odd to see yourself through his eyes. He was curious about you, that much was painfully clear. He wanted to know about you and about your connection, and he seemed to think that teaching you about the Force and how to use it would lead you to answers. 

You weren’t entirely sure if it would; you were just living in the moment and enjoying the little power you’d unlocked.

Twenty repetitions almost seemed to be too little by the time you were done.

“You are wondering about the bruise on my shoulder,” you stated, pulling the thoughts from his mind. “To explain, I was pacing the cell the other day and was startled by a stormtrooper bringing lunch earlier than normal. The sound of the door made me jump and I tripped and fell, landing on my shoulder and bruising it.”

He scoffed. “That is a ridiculous way to hurt yourself, but I suppose you are right. And that will conclude our training for the evening.”

You couldn’t hide your disappointment. You were just getting into this.

Kylo either didn’t acknowledge this or he didn’t care as he grabbed his helmet and stood up. “We will resume training when my schedule allows. However, I have much work to be done in the coming weeks.”

“It’s not like I’ll be going anywhere,” you mumbled as you slid away from him onto your sleeping mat. 

“I know.” He fit his mask onto his head and turned away from you to walk out of the cell. He closed the door behind him, fitting the lock into place before hesitating. Right when you thought he’d leave you alone to the silence, he turned back to you. “Good work, LX-117,” he said, his voice distorted once more. “You have truly exceeded my expectations tonight. We will continue with more mind exercises next time. For now, get some rest. You’ve earned it.” Finishing his words, he finally turned away and walked down the hall.

You stared after him, watching him leave with a small smile crossing your lips. You didn’t know why, but knowing that you’d done well in his eyes brought you a sense of pride. After all, it wasn’t every day you received a compliment or praise. 

Now you just had to keep it up and not screw up in the process.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh yeah, we really building on that slow burn now. The slowest of burns. I've been planning out the story and oof, these burns are going so slow. But, that's alright. It'll pay off in the end, i hope.
> 
> Thank you as always to lunaxxx. I love you with my whole heart thank you for your enthusiasm with this because ENERGY CIRCLE!!
> 
> And thank you for reading! I hope you like it!!


	7. Knowledge is Power and Destruction

Some days Kylo valued his vast access to knowledge and the First Order’s databases. 

This was one of those days, he mused as he sipped his steaming cup of tea, his eyes scanning over the datapad and absorbing any and all information they read.

Her picture filled the top left corner of the screen, her number right beside her face. 

LX-117.

Her true name had been omitted from the report, it seemed. It wasn’t relevant. She’d been a prisoner aboard the Supremacy for just under fifteen years, stolen from the planet Batuu of the Outer Rim Territories in the Trilon sector at the tender age of seven. The First Order had been there for a “routine disease inspection” according to the official reports, but Kylo knew better. He knew Snoke had been searching for her. He’d sensed her just as Kylo had, only he knew what the presence meant. Snoke had been able to tell that there was someone as sensitive to the Force as she was and there was only one way to pin her down. A blood test to count the midi-chlorians of the Batuuans. Her results were posted in her report and the number made Kylo’s head spin. Her midi-chlorian count was astronomical. Looking at the number, Kylo couldn’t help but wonder if her cells were made up of anything other than midi-chlorians. 

It was inconceivable that she’d never been able to use the Force before. With a count that high, she should’ve been able to sense the Force at birth and use it as soon as she could walk and talk. 

But, then again, Kylo had to remind himself that midi-chlorian counts did not predict power in the Force; it only testified sensitivity. Untrained, it didn’t matter how many midi-chlorians she possessed; she would never be able to wield her power unless taught.

The Supreme Leader had been her only teacher and Kylo knew right away that his methods would not prove useful with LX-117. Snoke knew only power and force. He would throw her into the abyss without any direction whatsoever. The girl obviously didn’t respond to that. Kylo had taken a giant leap of faith when he picked his teaching style, though he loathed how much it resembled his old teacher’s methods. 

Luke Skywalker.

The memories of his time at the Jedi Academy were vile and tainted with blood and hatred, but they served him well. He remembered Skywalker’s lessons—all the lectures about the Force and its capabilities and how it would serve him if he was strong enough to use it. Despite his betrayal, Kylo couldn’t deny that Skywalker had given him valuable information. He thought he knew everything there was to know about the Force from the lessons but…

But something LX-117 had said to him stuck.

She had said that the Force was alive and she sounded so sure of herself, like she knew it to be a truth in her heart. For not knowing anything about the Force, she made a rather bold claim. But, if he thought about it long enough, it made sense. Its constant ebb and flow and unpredictability to a certain degree did seem to emulate life. He could ponder on this at another time, he decided turning his attention back to the datapad.

Her file was relatively bare, containing only the vaguest details about her past. She was supposed to be a stillbirth, according to the medical records of her village’s doctors, but she was born alive. They called it a miracle of the Force in their papers and she was allowed to grow up with a relatively normal childhood on Batuu. She only had her mother and her father whose names and faces he did not know and seemed to befriend everyone she met. The First Order had collected eye witness reports on her from the other natives and they only had good things to say.

Kylo only skimmed these reports as he searched in vain for something else. He had to see if there was any record of her Force-sensitivity prior to her imprisonment.

There was none.

Kylo was ready to toss it onto the table in defeat and finish his drink when a portion of the report caught his eye. It was the section where interviews and testimonies of the natives had been transcribed. Each testimony took place after her abduction where the First Order posed as local authorities to collect data on her.

From a testimony of a Twi'lek known as Haera, he read, “She was always an odd little girl. She’d come to me to buy sweets and I’d just hear her talking to no one. She’d have full conversations with absolutely no one. I asked her about it once, who she was talking to, and she said the trees and the wind. I don’t… I don’t know if it was an imaginary friend or what, but please. If that will help find her at all…” The rest of her statement was just pleading to find the girl and bring her home. Kylo didn’t care about it, he only cared about the conversations.

Was it possible she was conversing with the Force itself? She had a high enough count that she could potentially be able to hear it talking but… Was it even possible? Kylo had never heard of such a thing and, even if it was what she had been doing, how come she hadn’t been able to do it here. Of course, the Supremacy had less life than the fields of Batuu, but the Force existed here nonetheless. If she heard it there, she should be able to hear it here. Unless…

Unless she was choosing not to. Maybe part of her subconscious had blocked it in a desperate attempt to protect herself. Kylo could only imagine what sort of pain the Force conveyed here and he figured she wouldn’t want or be able to dim her light.

The light… When Kylo thought of her, he could only think of light—light so bright and pure that it was almost blinding. It was what he had seen when he first sought her out and what he continued to see whenever he dived into the Force to check on her. She seemed to embody it as if it was what made up her whole being. But it was odd. She wasn’t the light side as in the light side of the Force; no, she was just simply light. She was a sun, burning bright and strong through the Force. He had never seen anything like it before, and it intrigued him. Why was her signature so unique and bizarre? Why was she nothing but a beacon to others? Could it have been because of her midi-chlorian count and her strong sensitivity to the Force? Even if that were the case, he didn’t see how that made sense or how it was possible. But, then again, she seemed to defy all possibility. She was a walking wonder—a distinct light in the darkness.

He glanced at the clock at the top of the datapad; it was past midnight and everyone would be asleep aside from the night crew. It was now an acceptable time to leave. 

Kylo finished the rest of his drink, clicked off the datapad, and plucked his helmet from the table before fitting it on his head and slipping out of his quarters using the cover of night to his advantage. 

He only dared visit her at night when the odds of being discovered were slim. It wasn’t forbidden for him to see her, but he had the feeling that his actions would be questioned or perhaps reported to the Supreme Leader should he be found out. He didn’t want the headache that would follow. Besides, he had a feeling that the Supreme Leader would not take kindly to his apprentice tutoring his prisoner.

He had a feeling that he wasn’t supposed to know about her at all. If the Supreme Leader discovered their connection, it could be dangerous for them both.

His footsteps were the only sounds in the hallway and he liked it that way. He didn’t want to have to answer any unwanted questions. As he allowed his feet to take him down the familiar path towards her cell, his consciousness fell back into the Force. 

At once, he saw the entire ship and all its occupants. He first focused on his immediate surroundings, paying close attention to the people around him. To his right was a meeting room that held a few lonely officers struggling to get their work done before the morning came. To his left, some poor soul was being chastised and possibly fired for a mistake in the Order. The road in front of him was clear save for a pair of stormtroopers making the nightly rounds on patrol. They would be long gone by the time Kylo reached their current position. 

His path cleared, he decided to pull away from the corridor and let the rest of the massive ship enter his mind’s eye. The thousands of people aboard were humming with energy in the Force, all doing their own thing. Some people’s signatures were easier to find if they were more sensitive to the Force like the Supreme Leader or his loyal knights.

Though he could find them with ease, there was one signature that screamed for him: a blinding light on the lower levels of the ship, embedded deep in the metal and sitting in a single, solitary cell.

He felt her stirring beneath his gaze, arousing from a slumber that had been peaceful. If he wasn’t going to teach her tonight, he might’ve been in the dream with her. 

Yet another thing he didn’t understand about her: how she had managed to capture his very consciousness and drag it into her dream. It startled him to open his eyes to see her sitting across the field, reveling in what seemed to be a warm summer’s day. She didn’t notice him at first, but he was painfully aware of her. He was sleeping, yes, but they were still together, occupying the same dream. He didn’t know how it was possible, so he just sat there, watching her with an intense curiosity. 

Waking up the next morning was as strange as sleeping had been because, when he finally dragged himself back to the land of the waking, he could’ve sworn he felt a dip in the bed beside him where she might’ve been sleeping at one point in time. 

Her light grew brighter as he neared the cell, entering the final elevator which would take him all the way down to her floor. He could feel it reaching for him. She knew he was coming. Her warmth surrounded him in its embrace and he let out a shuddering breath. He knew she had no idea she did this to him every time he came close—she didn’t know she took him in and gave him one of the most euphoric sensations he’d ever experienced. To be held in such an embrace, despite it being unintentional, was like a drug. He didn’t think he would ever get used to this or get enough of it.

This was the eighth time he’d felt it. The first had been when he’d discovered her and six sessions of training had quickly followed this. She was learning the ways of the Force quickly, he had to admit, much quicker than he had when he was in her position.

He’d only allowed her to work on simple mind tricks such as peering into thoughts he’d set aside for training purposes or trying to plant her own thoughts in his mind and, so far, she’d succeeded and even excelled at everything. He would never get over that gleeful look in her eyes when she did well or when he commended her. She was like a child.

The elevator opened on her floor and he stepped out before turning and walking down the long hallway to her cell. He slowed to a stop outside and peered in at her.

She was rising from her slumber. Sleep still filled her eyes and she groaned as she sat up. He felt bad for waking her but he had a lesson.

The cell door swung open of its own accord and he slipped in, slowly closing it behind him. He crossed the small area before sitting down in front of her, crossing his legs. “Sleep well?” he asked as he slowly reached up to undo his helmet. It’d become customary for him to remove it in her presence. Though he wore it to conceal his previous identity and instill a sense of fear in his adversaries, he had no need to wear it here. She only knew him as Kylo or, as she called him, “sir” and he had no reason to frighten her. She was his student.

She jumped at his voice a bit, her eyes immediately finding his figure across the cell. They flickered between him and the spot on the ground beside her, confusion following her features as if he had just been beside her and now he wasn't. He didn't ponder on this for too long. “I was,” she mumbled, her voice low and thick with sleep. “I didn’t think you’d be coming tonight.”

“And why not?” His helmet hissed as he lifted it off his head and set it on the ground beside him. He shook his head a little bit to fling his hair away from his face.

She didn’t answer him right away. “I’m not sure. You usually come once a week and you’ve already been here this week.”

He supposed this was true. Truth be told, he hadn’t even noticed his pattern. He came when he felt like he needed to, when he felt that she needed him or that he needed her. He disregarded this thought. “We have work to do,” was his only explanation.

She bowed her head in a low nod. “Yes, sir.” She pulled her blanket off of her lap and shifted so she was facing him, her legs crossed to match him and rolled her shoulders back to sit up straight. “What am I learning tonight? More mental techniques?”

“Indeed. You will learn tonight to enter one’s mind without their consent. Though invasive, it is possibly one of the greatest skills a Force-user can have. It enables you to get vital information that might help you or to find weapons against your attacker that they don’t even know you can have. Someone’s mind can be used in vicious ways. You can unearth their greatest fears, regrets, and even nightmares against them.”

She looked skeptical. “And you want me to do this to you?”

He felt as uneasy as she looked, but it was a good lesson to learn. “Yes. I have prepared mental blocks for you to fight your way through. Your task is to get passed them and find what I’m trying to hide from you. Do you understand?”

She nodded. “Yeah. I can do this.”

He hummed. “I know you can,” he said. She’d gotten into his head before, he knew she was capable of this. The barriers he’d prepared weren’t all that strong. As much as he wanted to push her, he needed to show her a taste of her power. There would be time for challenges later, that much was certain. 

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, letting her posture relax. He noticed that she fell into herself like this whenever she tried to access the Force. It was her go-to position. 

He’d noticed a stark difference in her posture as their training advanced. In some of their earlier lessons, she had been as stiff as a board, rigid and straight. He recognized Snoke’s technique at once; the Supreme Leader had tried to instill the same posture in him. Sitting like this, she achieved nothing. She only tried to execute Snoke’s poorly taught methods. 

But, when she relaxed, the Force came naturally to her. She had the power to do whatever she wanted, she just needed a technique that better suited her and that happened to imitate the Force almost perfectly with fluidity and flexibility. When she relaxed, it was almost like she unlocked a whole new set of powers that she wasn’t aware of possessing. 

It was amazing.

She sat open to him, her eyes moving behind her eyelids, and he felt her.

She had a hold of their connection and crawled up it to his mind. As he felt her try to sneak her way in, he set up the first barrier, telling himself he wouldn’t let her passed. 

He saw her face screw up as she came to a halt, disgruntled by the prevention.

“Try,” he urged in a low voice. “Try to force your way in. This will not work if you aren’t aggressive.”

“I’m trying,” she said in a tone to match his own. “Just give me a second.”

“In a real situation, you won’t have a second. Your enemy will force you out and build stronger barriers if you do not at first succeed. You will fail if you don’t have a purpose.” He hated to be firm with her, but this helped her learn. He needed her to learn. “Again. And be aggressive.”

At once the connection fell and picked back up again as if a switch had been turned off and on again rapidly. This time, instead of a slow crawl, her attempt came with more purpose. If he hadn’t been expecting it, he might’ve been taken by surprise with how strong her presence was. However, he’d grown used to this: a feeble attempt followed by a powerful one filled with conviction. It was just her way.

It was a decent attempt, he had to give her that, but not quite enough for him to just hand over the victory. He needed more. “Again,” he said once more. 

She didn’t respond. Instead, the connection was severed and resecured. And this time, he wouldn’t even have to go easy on her. She broke through his mental wall as easy as she’d break a toothpick. Now that was something he hadn’t quite expected. It took all his willpower not to jolt in response, but he doubted she’d notice if he did.

She was too busy laughing. “Seriously? That’s what the big secret was? You were hiding what you had for breakfast?”

“Sometimes even the most minuscule data can be crucial, even your enemies’ dining habits.” He smirked at her. “Again. This time, it will be more challenging.” 

“Okay, I’m ready.”

For several rounds they continued on like this, him coaching her as she tried to work her way through his mind and unlock the “secrets” he had prepared for her. Each time, she came on stronger and stronger until he never had to give the victory to her; she could get them all on her own.

“One more round,” he said after a while. “And this one will be the hardest of them all.”

He was met with a giddy grin as she practically shook with energy. “I don’t care. I can do it.”

“Then do it.” He braced himself for her.

But nothing could prepare him for what he was met with.

All the times before, he’d been able to withstand her, to hold his own against her power. He’d been able to control where she went, what she saw. But this time she met him with such a power that he had not been expecting or even thought possible at this stage and he was hit with the full might of the Force. He was at her mercy and said mercy was not benevolent. It pushed passed the item he had set aside for the training and gone deep into his memory, towards the memories he tried to keep locked away.

He closed his eyes, trying to force her out of his mind, to get her away from it, to direct her to anywhere else but here.

But he was unsuccessful. 

The white linen robe he wore was soft on his skin, the mattress thin but comforting beneath his body. He was on his side, sleeping peacefully but with dreams full of agony and pain. The screams tore his mind.

He knew this night. This was the night he hated most of all.

“Stop now,” he said in a low voice. “Get out of my head.”

She didn’t respond and everything that happened next happened almost too fast for him to comprehend. 

He saw the violent green hovering above him in the night, felt the saber’s heat as it hummed only a foot away from his body. He felt his fear and panic and the chill of his lightsaber as it flew into his hand, the pressure of the ignition as he summoned the blade to meet his assailant. He saw his hand reaching up, calling the Force to obey him as he pulled the roof down to crush his master.

And, through all the chaos, he heard an old man’s desperate cry.

_ “Ben, no!” _

Kylo hissed in pain as he grabbed her and yanked her from the memory, desperate to get her anywhere but here so he could muster up the strength to get rid of her himself.

Though the alternative wasn’t any better.

She found his most recent memories, capturing him in his quarters sipping on some tea and perusing a datapad filled entirely with information about her.

As soon as their eyes trailed over her number, Kylo finally took hold of her consciousness and, with every ounce of strength he could find, shoved her out.

She physically fell back from the force, her chest rising and falling as she stared at him with wide eyes. He could feel the millions of questions bubbling beneath the surface; questions about him, who it was he was with, why had the man called him “Ben”; questions about the documents, why her name had been on them, what had he been reading.

But he was too shaken to answer anything. He shook his head as he stumbled to his feet, needing to get away from her.  "We're done for the night," he said, his voice firm and final. He had nothing else for her, nothing else he wanted from her. He was done. He grabbed his helmet and shoved it on his head as if it would protect him from her prying eyes, protect him from that scared little boy who had risen to the surface. 

It didn't, but he didn't care. He just wanted out before she started asking dangerous questions.

“Sir, I —”

“ _ Done _ ,” he snapped, cutting her off violently. He marched over to the cell door, wrenching it open and making his exit. The lock clicked into place when the door fell shut behind him. He could feel her eyes on him as he turned his back to her and it made him hesitate. Although he was shaken to his very core, he couldn’t very well leave her like this: scared and confused. He let out a shuddering sigh before he turned his head towards her ever so slightly. He could see her out of the corner of his eye. “You did well tonight. I will return to you when I see fit.” And that was the last he could say without losing his composure.

He left her there in the dark, making quick strides back to the elevator desperate to escape. And all the while he tried to ignore the feeling of her lingering presence, reaching for him to comfort or console him. 

He couldn’t handle it —handle  _ her _ —tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, curse you Lunaxxx for getting me so into this I stayed up til 1am to finish the chapter and thank you Lunaxxx for getting me so into this I stayed up til 1am to finish the chapter.
> 
> And thank you to everyone that's here reading this whether you've been here for a bit or you're just now joining us. I've been plotting out future chapters and, let me just say, this is gonna be one heck of a slow burn probably with way more chapters than any of us bargained for. But if you like long fics, you're probably in the right spot cause I think i'm gonna be writing this for a loonnggggg time and that's alright. It'll be fun, you know???


	8. A Gentle Understanding

You felt the ghost of him beside you like an echo as you did every morning and night. The ceiling of the cell was black, the absence of light swallowing it up.

You couldn’t stop thinking about him, about what you’d seen and felt. The blue and green clashing together, the wild look in a stranger’s eyes as he tried to murder your teacher. The panic in Kylo’s heart and pure instinct that kicked in. The desperate cry of “Ben!” 

Ben… 

Was “Ben” another name Kylo had had at one point? Was it his worst fear—who he’d been? 

You hadn’t meant to go that far, it had just happened. One minute you were learning how to force your way into his mind and learning, and the next you had done a very bad thing. You’d tried to pull out of his head, but you were trapped in his memory. You couldn’t get out, not even as the ceiling caved in. But then the memory changed and you were staring at a datapad that had your number on it. 

And then he was gone.

For two weeks you’ve been tracking him, wondering when he would come back. He never even came close. You watched him go from meeting to meeting and even to training, feeling the agitation rolling off him in waves as he destroyed training dummies with the harsh blade of a lightsaber. 

He was violent and powerful, getting rid of all sorts of pent up energy. You knew he knew you were there. His energy responded to yours in a way that it only did when he was aware of your presence. 

You wished you could leave him alone for even a moment. You felt guilty for pushing him so far and for intruding on something you were never meant to see. If you could give him a moment of peace, you felt like it would help him forgive you. 

But you couldn’t.

And so you lay on your thin mat in the night, trying to ignore the phantom body beside you. 

He was in his quarters, according to your feelings, probably lying down for bed. You didn’t know if he was asleep or not, but you figured that, if you went to sleep, you might be able to give him that peace when your mind powered down.

Sleep… Yes, sleep sounded good. 

You turned on your side and closed your eyes, willing yourself to slip off into a dream.

When you opened them maybe a half-hour, you weren’t in your cell anymore. No, you were in your happy place. The meadow was alive as you sat up, the grass tickling your toes and the dirt caking the bottom of your feet and hands. You felt energy moving around you, comforting you, holding you. It was the Force, you realized. It held you close even in your dream, keeping you tight in its embrace and filling you with warmth.

You closed your eyes again and let out a satisfied sigh. This was what you needed and you were glad that your mind brought you here. Dream or not, this was home. 

“You’re here again,” an even voice spoke from beside you.

You leaped out of your skin, your eyes shooting open and your head snapping to the side to see who had broken your silence and peace.

The dream-Kylo had abandoned his robes and formal attire, only sporting a simple black shirt that hugged his torso and a pair of cuffed, black sweatpants. His hair framed his face in loose waves and those brown eyes of his traced your face. His lips betrayed neither smile nor frown as he watched you and gave you no indication of his mood. However, he did seem slightly annoyed to be at your side in this which was very Kylo of him. 

You gaped at him, eyes wide with confusion. “Wh-What? You… You’re not supposed to be here.”

He simply scoffed. “And yet it seems you’ve brought me here.”

“No… You can’t be. You’re just another part of the dream.” He had to be; Kylo never wore anything other than his robes and to see him in anything else was just absurd.

“I can assure you, LX-117, I am not a part of your dream.” His annoyance only grew with his words.

You gulped. “Then… Then that is you, isn’t it? You’re not a dream?”

“I am me,” he answered, that familiar sour pout pulling down at his lips. “I am somehow in your dream and you are in mine.” He sighed and closed his eyes.

A groan tore through your lips. “I’m sorry. I thought that, if I went to sleep, I would give you some time away. I didn’t mean to drag you here too.”

“You have no control over it.” 

“I know I don’t but I’m trying. I really am.” You bowed your head and shook it slowly. It bothered you how little control you had over your connection, how little you could influence. Though you were learning the ways of the Force slowly, this was something you had yet to master. You just wished you would get a hold of it to stop being a nuisance. Your heart constricted painfully and you turned your head away from Kylo.

“You have something you wish to say to me,” he said, his voice monotonous. It wasn’t a question, it was like he sensed your unease.

“Me? No! I don’t—”

“You don’t have to lie to me, LX-117,” he said, cutting you off. He opened his eyes and turned to you, letting them stay half-lidded; they were kinder now. “I will never be upset with you for wanting to speak.”

You fell silent for a moment, pondering and trying to work your thoughts into words. You started slowly, “I… I wanted to apologize to you.”

“For?”

You sighed. He was going to make you spell it out for him. You hated it but you probably deserved this. “For everything that I did… I didn’t mean to go that far. It got away from me and I—”

“Saw something you shouldn’t have,” he finished for you. “You did.”

“I know that now and I’m sorry for it. Ky— Sir,” you corrected, “I will understand if you don’t want to keep training me. I screwed up and I deserve punishment for it.” This was the way it’d always been. If you screwed up with Snoke, there was always some sort of retribution, whether it be physical pain for punishment or things being taken away. There was always something. Kylo had sworn not to hurt you so that only left taking away his teaching. You’d expected this.

He was silent for a bit, opening his eyes to look at you, his features turning incredulous. His brows knit together and his full lips turned down in a deep frown. You thought he was going to yell at you, scold you, or otherwise verbally abuse you but none of those things came out of his mouth. “No.”

You hesitated. “Sir?”

“I said, ‘no.’ I can’t punish you for doing as you were told.” He shook his head. “You were just following my orders. It was my fault I wasn’t strong enough to keep you out.” 

Your brows furrowed. “Then, does that mean…?”

“We will continue training as before,” he confirmed. “Just, I am planning on steering away from mental manipulation for a while. We will handle other objects in the Force for a period of time instead. I think it will be better for you to broaden your knowledge of the Force.”

You couldn’t describe the wave of relief that washed over you. It lifted a large burden and worry from your shoulder and, for some reason, you couldn’t stop your heart from fluttering. “Thank you, sir,” you said. 

He turned away from you, looking out across the meadow. “No need to thank me. I will come to you soon to continue our lessons.”

But what “soon” meant, you weren’t sure. And some part of you ached at that thought. You didn’t want to wait. You pressed your lips together in a thin line and frowned. 

He sensed your unease and discontentment and made a low grunting noise. “Is something the matter, LX-117?”

“Hmm?” You looked up to find his brown eyes on you and shook your head. “N-No, sir.”

“Then what is it? Do you need something?” His voice was adopting a hint of impatience as he waited for you to speak. He knew there was more you wanted to say and he had no appetite for your waiting games.

You swallowed the lump in your throat, forcing your words to rise in its place. “Would you… Would you come tonight?”

“Tonight?” He appeared startled by your request. His eyes widened and his lips parted in a bewildered gasp.

You felt at once as if you’d made an outrageous request but it was too late to back down now. You nodded. “Yeah, tonight. I just… I figured it’s been a while since our last lesson and I don’t want to get out of practice.” 

_ And I miss you. _

He pondered for a second in solemn silence, going over it in his mind. Oh, how you wished you could just take a peek into his thoughts to see how he felt about it, but you didn’t want to overstep. Just when you thought he’d never reply, he nodded his head slowly. “I suppose. I will be there shortly.”

And then, like that, he simply vanished, leaving you alone in the meadow of your paradise.

You squeezed your eyes shut and when you opened them again you were back in your cell. You blinked, your eyes trying to adjust to the darkness that surrounded you and contrasted greatly to the light of the meadow in your dream. 

Your dream… 

It had been a dream, right? Or had it happened? Was Kylo… Was he coming to you?

You wasted no time in diving into the Force to search for him, to find him on the massive labyrinth that was the ship. It didn’t take you long to find him, that familiar figure engulfing your senses. 

He was awake and he was moving swiftly through the halls. He was flying through the ship, taking the familiar pathway from his quarters to your lonely cell. 

Your heart fell into your chest as you came to reality, focusing back on the here and now. You could only imagine how horrible you looked. Your eyes were still bleary with sleep and your hair was matted in odd areas. Physical appearance had never been high on your priority list and it was even less so when you’d just woken up. You only had moments to comb through your hair with your fingers before Kylo would be on top of you. 

The sound of the elevator sliding open in the distance forced you to halt in your preening and scramble up to a sitting position on your mat. You watched the door expectantly.

You felt him before you saw him, that familiar warmth washing over you as he filled the corridor with his presence. And when he came to your door, you sucked in a breath.

He appeared as he had in the dream, in a simple black shirt and sweatpants; though he was wearing a pair of black slippers now to cover his feet. But what really struck you was the absence of his mask. He appeared to you simply as you knew him.

You wanted to reach for him, to apologize over and over again for shoving him away once more, but you didn’t. All you could do was breathe out the words, “You came,” your voice acting as the only sound in the silent night.

“I told you I would,” was his only answer as the door swung open and he stepped in. “Did you doubt me?”

“Not even for a second.” You shifted your position on your mat to make room for him if he decided to sit beside you and glanced up at him. It was only then that you realized he was holding an object. “What’s that?”

“It’s what you’re going to practice with.” He took his seat next to you and offered it up. “To learn how to move things with the Force, we’re going to start small with a toy—a ball.”

You reached over to take it from him, but he pulled it just out of your reach. You frowned and looked up at him, your eyes searching. 

“You are going to take it from me using the Force and nothing else,” he explained. “Moving objects is much like feeling another’s mind. You must locate it in the Force and then urge the Force to obey you. It will do as you ask if you can find it.” He held the ball away from the both of you. “Close your eyes. Fall into the Force.”

You obeyed, welcoming the embrace of darkness and working to find the Force. 

“You’re going to want to find the ball and the ball alone and then tell it what you want to do. It helps if you gesture what you want. By gesturing, you help direct the Force. Try it.”

With a steady hand, you reached out as he said. The Force responded well to you as it flowed through your fingertips. Your body hummed with its energy. The ball wasn’t hard to locate at all. You felt it in the Force as if you were holding it in life. “So I just grab it?” you asked, your voice pondering. 

“I suppose that’s one way to think of it,” Kylo answered. 

Taking that as a “yes,” you grabbed it in the Force and beckoned it to your outstretched palm. You had no way of knowing if it was working because you left your eyes shut, but you could feel the familiar warmth of the Force filling your stomach. It wasn’t long before you felt a sphere fall into your hand. You sucked in a breath as you held the ball, letting your eyes flutter open. 

Kylo was looking at the ball in your hand with amusement dancing in his eyes. “You did it,” he mused.

“I did it,” you agreed, hardly surprised anymore. You glanced up at him and passed it back to him. “Again?”

He nodded. “Again. This time, try to keep your eyes open.”

This went on for what seemed to be hours but you never once found yourself growing tired of it. There was something different about sitting beside him that put you at ease as you practiced, a carefree smile on both your faces. It was surreal but amazing.

But, like all amazing things, there was a time when it had to come to an end.

You were moving the ball with ease now, playing a sort of Force tug-of-war with Kylo, when he took it back. His long fingers wrapped around the ball and held it still, keeping it from you. Those dark eyes of his flickered up to your face and he nodded. “You’ve done well tonight,” he said, a hint of pride gracing his voice. 

“It’s because I have a good teacher,” you responded. Your smile fell. “Does that mean the lesson is over for the night?”

He let out a sigh. “Yes, LX-117. The morning will soon be upon us and if I’m found to be missing, it could be trouble for us both.”

“The Supreme Leader still does not know you’re training me.” It wasn’t a question; you knew it to be true in your heart.

But Kylo’s nod only affirmed your truth. “No, he doesn’t. And I’d like to keep it that way. I still do not know what his intentions with you are and…” He paused before shaking his head. “Never mind. The matter of it is that I sometimes have to question the Supreme Leader’s tactics and I don’t believe he has kept you for your potential only. I fear he might have more sinister purposes and I… I don’t want my student being used in such a way. So, until I can learn his intentions, we will keep your advancement private.”

“Understood.”

“And, I suppose this is a fantastic tangent to something else I wished to inform you of.”

A frown tugged at your lips. “Sir?”

“I will be leaving the Supremacy in a few days' time.”

Your heart dropped. 

He did not notice. “The Supreme Leader has given me an assignment. I will return in three weeks’ time. I have a suspicion that the Supreme Leader will collect you once more for one of his own training sessions.” His voice dropped low and serious as he said, “Do not reveal your progress. No matter what he does, you can’t.”

You could only nod. You’d expected that the Supreme Leader would collect you soon, but for him to do it when Kylo was away… You’d only known the man for a short amount of time, but you already felt safe around him. Something in the Force told you you could trust him and he’d become a sort of security blanket. You were already sick at just thinking of losing Kylo for the mission but you couldn’t imagine facing the Supreme Leader without him.

“I will return to you as soon as I am able,” he continued. “The mission is to deal with a small Resistance outpost and eradicate the rebellion they’re trying to create.”

He said this as if you were supposed to know what it meant. You didn’t. You nodded along.

“It won’t take long and I will be extra quick. I don’t like the idea of leaving you.”

“Thank you,” you whispered.

“You don’t need to thank me, LX-117.” His smile was small but sincere as he looked at you, but that smile disappeared shortly after as he shifted his position. “I must leave now,” he said, his voice turning solemn. 

“I know,” were the only words you could respond with. “Be safe,” you said as he stood. “I can’t have my teacher leaving me for good, can I?”

“No, I suppose not.” He turned his back to you before walking towards the door of the cell and leaving. The bars of the door separated you once more as he closed the door and locked it. 

Your eyes didn’t leave him as he willed the door locked, spared you one last glance, and left. You didn’t say goodbye; saying goodbye would’ve hurt you. 

Though you had to admit you didn’t know why. 


	9. Total Vacancy

You slept like shit.

No, that was an understatement.

You slept  _ worse than shit. _

You thought you’d be okay when Kylo left but, as soon as he disappeared, so did the comfort you’d found in the Force. That familiar presence that lay beside you at night vanished and left you cold and lonely. 

You missed him. Even if he wasn’t right there with you, he would still be with you in the Force and he wasn’t anymore. Him being off-ship made it impossible for you to feel him and you missed his presence. 

You wanted him to come home. Maybe then you’d get a decent amount of sleep. But, until then, you were doing your best to stay awake. If you were awake you wouldn’t be left alone nor forced into a restless sleep. 

In your waking hours, you did your best to keep busy; in particular you practiced what Kylo had taught you thus far. You couldn’t afford to be out of practice when he got back. 

You were proud to say you’d made some progress in your training even without Kylo. Every time you were brought a meal, you’d play with the fork or spoon or whatever utensil you were given. You’d pass it from hand to hand without even touching it, turning it into a lonely game to keep yourself occupied until the guard ultimately returned to retrieve your dishes. 

You had to admit that you did like this new power of yours. It made adjusting your itchy blanket without losing your comfortable position so much easier. 

When you didn’t have objects to play with, you worked on detecting life in the Force. You played a game called “how many people are alive on this ship?” and nearly lost your mind trying to count them all. After you hit 492,711 people, you gave up. Your head spun with numbers and it didn’t help that people moved around  _ all the goddamn time _ . 

Although it was quiet and dull, life was decent. You didn’t do much and you got to relax. You told yourself this was like a break; it was what you had to do to keep you from missing Kylo too much.

But, like all good things, your peace had to come to an end.

They came for you just days before Kylo was expected home. You didn’t even have to look up to know who was at your cell door; you felt them as soon as they took one step in your direction.

Your body was stiff as you lay on your mat. Maybe if you didn’t move and feigned sleep they’d leave you alone. Maybe they would decide it wasn’t worth it and just return empty-handed.

But you knew they’d never disobey the Supreme Leader like that.

The creak of the key turning the lock haunted you and you clutched your blanket tighter. 

_ Please, no. Not today. _

You felt the first hand on your upper arm and you hissed as the stormtrooper jerked you up. 

“Let’s go,” said the stormtrooper that held you, his voice mechanical and cold. 

You whimpered softly, squeezing your eyes shut. Fear flooded your senses; there was nothing else. 

The other stormtrooper grabbed your other arm and helped his partner drag you from the cell. Your legs were limp, you couldn’t make them move to help you run or walk with them. They pulled you like a doll toward your doom.

The hallways were vacant as you went, though you sensed they’d been full of life before. You could still feel the lingering Force signatures. They must’ve been forced to clear out when you were sent for. Now that you thought about it, there never was any person other than your escorts when you were brought before him. Maybe he did that on purpose: isolate you so you would never know a life outside of Snoke.

You were even more thankful for Kylo and his training. He made the world not so small anymore. 

The troopers dragged you through the halls until you came upon the elevator that would dispense you in the throne room. The ride up was quiet as dread settled deeper in your chest. You tried to steel your mind and brace yourself for what was to come. 

The doors slid open to reveal the sickening red of the room and the troopers pulled you in before roughly tossing you to the ground in front of the throne.

Trembling, you slowly lifted your head, your eyes drifting over the area that haunted your worst nightmares.

The throne room terrified you. It made your blood turn to ice and your heart to stone. It made your legs quiver and your lungs forget to breathe. It unlocked the deepest fears you kept hidden away and brought them to light, terrifying you to your very core.

And there, sitting in its center, was the monster who brought this upon you.

Snoke lounged in his throne, a lazy smile pulling at his twisted lips as he gazed at you. His eyes followed your figure, studying you like a specimen he was preparing to dissect and study. He was probably conjuring sadistic plans for you even in that moment. 

“Ah, my most reluctant apprentice,” he mused. “I can sense your fear even now… You’re terrified.”

The stormtroopers behind you bowed and retreated from the room leaving you behind with only Snoke and his guards.

Snoke continued to watch you, only speaking when the troopers had left. “It has been too long since our last lesson, my apprentice. Have you been practicing your skills since?”

He believed you didn’t have any skills.

Kylo told you to lie.

But Snoke expected only one answer.

You took a shuddering breath.  _ Kylo, forgive me.  _ “Y-Yes,” you said, trying to keep your voice even, trying to fool him that you were still trying to please him. “Sir,” you added hastily after. Though you called Kylo “sir”, you’d still fallen out of practice with the formal titles. It never felt formal with Kylo. It was familiar. But this wasn’t Kylo. You couldn’t afford to slip.

“Good… Let’s see if your practice has done you any good.” 

Something flew at you from the side. You didn’t have the time to even notice it until it slammed into your side and knocked you down. 

You went tumbling to the ground in a chaotic cascade, using all of your willpower to  _ not  _ use the Force to keep yourself upright. You had to fall otherwise you’d give yourself away. You only had seconds to brace yourself before your body hit the hard floor with a sickening thud. That was going to bruise in the morning. 

The tsk that came from Snoke’s mouth was disappointed but not the least bit surprised. 

Looking up, you saw the large crate he’d hit you with returning to its original position and the Supreme Leader looking at you with displeasure. “You practiced,” he echoed with a sneer. You could feel the disappointment rolling off him in waves. 

You could only lower your gaze to mask your fear. “I… I’m sorry, sir. I tried, I really did, but I can’t do it.” You were lying through your teeth and it sent adrenaline coursing through your veins. You’d never had anything to hide from the Supreme Leader; not that you could hide anything in the first place. He had ways of knowing everything.

You prayed he wouldn’t know about your training with Kylo.

“You have the power, my dear. You have everything you need to succeed.” He sounded slightly exasperated but you couldn’t blame him. You’d be exasperated too if you’d had to repeat yourself over and over again.

“I’m sorry, sir.” 

He sighed. “Never mind, my dear. Your physical abilities in the Force are not quite strong; we shall see how your mental abilities have advanced.”

_ Fuck _ .

Your eyes widened ever so slightly in alarm. The mental aspect of the Force, specifically keeping others out of your thoughts, had proved to be nothing but a challenge for you. Especially against Snoke. Your mind didn’t stand a chance. In mere moments, your soul would be laid bare for him and nothing would be safe, not even your secret rendezvous with his apprentice.

Your body trembled with fear. You wanted to run, to fight him, to do anything to protect your mind. You didn’t know what he’d do if he found out and you didn’t want to explore that just yet. You wanted to keep your secret sacred for just a bit more.

_ Be still. _

You froze, your breath hitching in your lungs. You’d heard the words as clearly as if they’d been whispered in your ear, but glancing to the side you saw no one. Were you hallucinating or was this one of Snoke’s mind tricks? The voice had been warm and kind, gentle even as it said those two words. 

You were certain that it had to be a voice, but you couldn’t recall actually hearing anything. It was like the words hadn’t been spoken but materialized in your mind. 

_ Be still and breathe. We will protect us. _

There it was again. You wanted to call out to respond, but you held your tongue. It was obvious no one else in the room heard the voice and you couldn’t risk causing suspicion. However, that didn’t stop your mind from running.

Who was this “we”? Who was “us”? How would you be protected? Though these questions and more circled through your head, a strange sense of warmth and calm settled over. It started in your heart before flowing out through your veins. You could feel it running beneath your skin, coursing through your body, taking over all your senses and fortifying your very being. It was familiar, though you couldn’t quite find its place in your memory. It was like a long-lost memory; one that, somehow, let you know it would all be okay.

You took a steady breath and your eyes flitted up to Snoke.

He sat on his throne sneering at you, twirling his fingers in the air, conjuring a display of his use of the Force. You could feel the power building up around you. It was overwhelming, but as you met those cold blue eyes of his, you found that you weren’t afraid.

Snoke gestured vaguely at you and you felt the tendrils of his power sink into your skin. He filled your head, digging through your thoughts to find something, anything to use against you. 

You knew he wouldn’t find anything you didn’t want him to. You felt the Force within shielding your secret nights with Kylo and the impressive progress you’d made in such a short time. Searching your feelings, you knew it to be true: you were safe.

Your safety, however, didn’t negate the pain and discomfort that came from Snoke’s intrusive presence and your body cried out in protest as he filled your head. Your lips parted in a silent scream as you endured the pain of him digging around in unsavory places, tearing your mind to shreds. He made his mark on every thought he could grab, taking hold of them and twisting them in the most painful ways he could, turning them inside out and back again. It was its own form of torture and you could only sit there on the ground and take it. Your only saving grace was knowing that what you wanted to keep from him was safe.

It felt like he’d occupied your mind for years by the time he finally released you. As soon as he left, you collapsed on the ground again with your chest heaving with labored breaths.

Snoke’s voice joined your breaths in the silence as he hummed in displeasure. “Do you know why I train you, my dear? Why I continue to waste hours of my life on the improvement of your skills?” He was agitated, frustrated, as he usually was towards the end of a training.

You stayed on the ground, gritting your teeth and trying to subdue the pain that wracked your body. “N- No sir,” you whimpered.

You heard shuffling as the giant rose from his throne. He towered over the room as he stepped down from his pedestal, his robes dragging across the floor as he took slow steps towards you. You could see the gold stop out of the corner of your eye as he stilled in front of you. He bent down and with a gnarled hand, took your chin and forced it up to look at him. “You have the potential to be one of the greatest warriors in the galaxy,” he said, his voice even and cold. “Your power is raw and untouched. So powerful you could destroy entire systems without lifting a finger. You could be a great asset to me, and in turn I could be the mentor and guide that you crave. If only you would not deny me or my teachings.” He tsked in a disappointed manner and let you go, straightening up again and turning his back to you. “I suppose the only way you’ll learn your lesson is if you suffer first. Such a shame.” He only needed to nod his head in your direction and a man in red armor was upon you in an instant. The crackling blade swept across your arm, drawing a thin river of blood in its wake.

You screamed in shock, though you should’ve expected this. And hearing the weapon humming near your ear told you that he wasn’t done with you. He wouldn’t be done with you until Snoke said he was.

A blow fell on your head as he hit you with the blunt end of his weapon. You wanted to fight back but you couldn’t. That would only make it worse. This was your punishment for failing to develop any skills that could be deemed useful. 

You knew it was coming and yet it still hurt you. Snoke would let his guard hurt you and beat you and bruise you until he thought you’d learned your lesson. You’d be sore and pained and bleeding but you’d be alive. That is what mattered. So long as you were alive, you were still useful.

But that didn’t mean you weren’t going to escape unscathed. You had to be punished

And then, when the monster who called himself a teacher believed you’d had enough, you’d be dragged through the hell that was your “lesson”, praying for the moment when he would release you so you could go back to your cell and wait for the day when your real teacher would return to you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god, I'm so sorry for such a late update, but life has been nothing less than chaotic. School and work and personal stuff have just been getting in the way of everything fun. But, shortly I should have more time to do all the fun things.
> 
> Keep your fingers crossed for me that we can do this because Lord knows I need the fun things in life.


	10. Concern is a Seven Letter Word

Kylo came back in the morning. You felt him the second he stepped on the metal of the Supremacy and you nearly sobbed with relief. To say you missed him was a gross understatement.

Very little time had passed between your last lesson with Snoke and his return, but it had felt like an eternity. Nightmares had plagued your sleep and your waking moments were spent huddled in the corner. Your body ached and hurt like nothing else. It felt like you’d been turned inside out and destroyed. Even breathing hurt in the days that followed your lesson. 

You were cut off from everyone on the ship. The only living things you encountered were the guards that brought you meals. You didn’t dare seek out life in the Force. Your anxiety surpassed anything you’d felt in a long time and you refused to use the strange power around you for fear that Snoke would sense your abilities. You couldn’t bring yourself to try it. 

You craved something, though. You craved life, something familiar or comforting. 

Your craving refused to be satisfied. After all, there was nothing for you on this ship.

But now Kylo was back.

And you felt him. 

His energy tore through the Force until it found you and wrapped you in a cocoon of familiarity. It held you the second he arrived, pulling you into its embrace. It was almost as if he was right beside you. You grabbed onto your tether and held onto it tightly. It was your lifeline, the only thing keeping you from falling into a void. 

_ Kylo _ .

You felt him react to your call. His energy ebbed and flowed towards you, taking you closer. You could feel his urge to come to your side, to speak with you and assess the situation and to fix you best he could. You could feel the anguish he had at being kept away from you until at least the night. 

He was just barely out of your reach in the countless hours that followed. As he was dragged from room to room for meetings and briefings, you went with him, holding onto his familiarity and craving his touch. 

The night could not come soon enough. 

As the ship quieted, one soul remained restless: his. He couldn’t leave his chambers as soon as night fell, it would be suspicious. He had to wait until the witching hours of the night, when no one would be awake to witness his escape. 

You couldn’t sleep. Despite the sense of peace you’d regained the second Kylo stepped back on the ship, you were buzzing with an adrenaline you didn’t think was possible. You never knew a single person could get you so worked up and excited. You felt him as he moved through the metal hallways of the Supremacy, drifting closer and closer to you. It wasn’t long before he entered the final elevator and fell closer and closer to your floor.

You tried to make yourself presentable in the cell, straightening up in your corner and moving your hair in front of your face to hide the bruising and cuts that littered the left side, specifically the large gash that sat just beneath your eye.

You’d just finished hiding it when you heard his footsteps approach your cell. A large silhouette stopped outside the barred door and you watched him with awe and relief. “You’re back,” you whispered softly, your voice hoarse with pent up emotions that finally flowed free through you. You shuddered beneath his gaze.

The door swung open on its own accord and you finally got a good look at him for the first time in what seemed like years. He looked exhausted. His shoulders were weighed down by invisible burdens and his eyes were duller than normal. However, when he looked at you, his lips quirked up in a smile. “Indeed I am. Did you miss me?” He took slow, lumbering steps into the cell and, with every step, he seemed to grow lighter. 

“I did,” you answered truthfully, keeping your eyes on him. The change in his stance was instantaneous, shifting his stiffness to a loose calm that filled the entirety of the small cell. He brought an understanding warmth with him, letting it wash over you and relieve you of all your worries. Oh, you’d needed this—this sense of peace and familiarity.

He sat down at the edge of your mat across from you. A teasing grin tugged at the corners of his mouth and he chuckled. His lips parted to ask you something, but then he brought his eyes up to meet your face and stilled. At once, all the warmth in his gaze faded and was replaced by a fierce intensity. His eyes narrowed and focused on your face and his lips curved down in a sneer. “What happened?”

“Wh-What do you mean?” You knew perfectly well what he meant, but you didn’t want to. You didn’t want him to be upset.

“Your eye. What happened?” With a large hand, he reached out to your face.

You flinched when his warm skin touched yours. Electricity coursed through your veins, stemming from the point of contact, and you heard your own screams echo around you. You knew instantly that this was his doing. He didn’t want to wait for your answer; he wanted to know now, and he was going to do whatever necessary to know. You squeezed your eyes shut, trying to block out the involuntary memories.

His face hardened, all warmth vanishing completely. The man was deadly calm, though you could feel his rage bubbling beneath the surface. Through gritted teeth, Kylo growled, “Snoke did this.” The words dripped with malice and hatred, like he knew exactly what the Supreme Leader had done to hurt you. He did know. You could feel him in your mind even then, rummaging around in your memory to get the exact details; his half of your connection was alive and livid.

You let out a shuddering breath and nodded. “I kept the secret,” you said in a trembling voice. “I pretended like I couldn’t use the Force but… He didn’t like that. He never likes it when I haven’t made progress.”

His hand drifted down your face, down the side of your neck, to the loose threadbare shirt that clung to your body and pushed it to the side. Deep bruises stared at him and he stared right back with a tamed rage. “I should never have asked you to do that. I didn’t know he would hurt you like this.”

“There’s no way you could’ve known. Besides, my punishment was tame compared to lessons past.” 

You saw the anger flare up behind his eyes but he held his tongue. You could feel that he wanted to yell, scream, or do anything to express his fury against the man that had hurt you, but he did nothing of the sort. Instead, he brought his hand up to your face again and let it rest there. When his palm was pressed against your cheek and his thumb just barely touched the large gash beneath your eye, he closed his eyes and took steady breaths.

You didn’t know what he was doing at first, but then you felt it: the Force flowing all around you, coursing through his body and into you. Your lips parted in a blissful gasp as nothing but warmth surged into you. It washed over you in waves, numbing you to everything else. All that there was you, the Force, and Kylo.

A shuddering breath left your lips and your eyes fluttered closed. You basked in the warmth that was Kylo and let him have his way with you.

His breath echoed in the darkness and his hand fell from your face all too soon. “There,” he said softly. “That should feel better.”

You sat still for a moment more before your hand reached up to your face. Crossing your cheek where his hand was, you expected to find the gash in your flesh; there was nothing. Your skin had smoothed over, becoming as soft as it once had. Your hand drifted further up your face, pressing down to feel the bruises that had been left there. They too were gone. Your hands traveled all over your body, testing the flesh for the injuries you had known to be there. They’d vanished. It didn’t even hurt to move anymore. You took a shuddering breath and opened your eyes to look at Kylo in awe. “H-How did you do that?”

He shrugged nonchalantly. “The Force. I transferred a bit of life energy into you to heal your wounds. You were in pain. I couldn’t have that.” He turned his hands outward to show them to you. 

You stared at his palms, wondering just how he had done this little magic trick. “Will I learn how to do that?” 

A small smile tugged at his lips. “In time. It is still a move far too advanced for your skills right now and it does come with consequences.”

“Like what?”

“Never mind them now. They’re not important.”

You could tell that they were important, but you didn’t want to push him. Instead, you smiled. “Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me. I did what any teacher would do for their student.”

“That’s not true,” you mused softly. “The Supreme Leader wouldn’t have done that.”

“The Supreme Leader is not a very good teacher.”

“But he’s your teacher.”

Kylo shook his head. “He was not my first teacher. Although I have found a home in the dark side, Snoke was not the first one to instruct me.”

You frowned. “You’re talking about the one that betrayed you.”

His lips formed a line. “Yes.”

“Did he teach you how to heal people?”

He paused for only a second before sighing. “Yes, he did. Healing is traditionally a technique used by those who pursue the light side of the Force and he taught me thus.”

“You never told me your teacher was on the light side.” You had so many questions now. If the light side was supposed to be the “good” side, why had his old master betrayed him?

“It’s not important.” His voice was stiff and reluctant. “It was many years ago and doesn’t matter anymore.”

You really wanted to breach the subject, but you held your tongue. You already knew that this was sensitive for him and you really didn’t want to stress him out on his first night back. You simply nodded. 

He seemed to silently acknowledge your restraint and was grateful for it. You could see his lips turning up in a small smile and he shifted his weight. “I have decided that there will be no training tonight,” he said evenly.

Your eyes widened. “Wh-What?”

“There will be no training,” he repeated. “I think it would be beneficial to have… a night off.” He made no move to leave despite his words. “Is that alright with you?”

“I-I suppose.” You were a bit disappointed that you wouldn’t get to practice your abilities, but you couldn’t deny that a night off sounded appealing. “Thank you, sir.”

“There’s no need to thank me. You’ve been showing incredible progress and so it’s only natural that a night off would be appropriate.”

“Thank you, sir,” you repeated, the praise making you smile. You were happy you’d been doing well and you were happy that Kylo thought it worthy of a reward. 

He nodded and shifted his position. He was no longer sitting in front of you, but rather on your sleeping mat beside you. He was close enough that you could feel the heat from his body but not so close that you were touching. It was the perfect distance. 

Silence overtook you as you sat there side-by-side. The air was still, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. You’d grown used to the silence in your many years imprisoned, so it wasn’t anything new to you. His presence, however, was still alien. It was strange to share the space with another human being, to listen to his breathing and to feel his energy; but you’d be lying if you said you didn’t like it. 

You glanced sideways at him, your eyes flickering over his face.

His eyes were closed and his nostrils flared with steady breaths. His lips were turned down in a quaint frown, only twitching occasionally. He looked peaceful. You could feel the energy surrounding him slowing down as he relaxed more and more and you slowly realized that he probably needed his break too. He’d been gone for weeks and he was probably exhausted.

You felt slightly bad for keeping him with you (despite the fact that he could leave whenever he wanted and you’d be powerless to stop him), but you were happy you had him back. You’d missed him and his comforting presence aboard the ship.

“LX-117?”

Your head snapped to the side as you heard your number pass through his lips. “Y-Yes?”

He was looking at you now, having come out of his trance. A puzzled look wrinkled his brow. “Why do you call me ‘sir?’”

You frowned. “I’m sorry?”

“You have never called me anything but ‘sir.’ Why?”

“Oh, um…” You shrugged. “I dunno. I guess it’s a habit. I’ve been punished before for addressing anyone informally. Everyone is ‘sir’ or ‘ma’am’ or I will pay dearly for my mistake.”

His frown deepened. “I don’t like it. I don’t want you to call me ‘sir’ anymore.” 

“Then what should I call you?”

“By my name,” he said as if it were obvious, “Kylo.”

“Kylo,” you repeated, testing the word on your tongue. It was savory and thick, but delightful to say. “Kylo,” you said again, letting the syllables free themselves in your mouth, making it easier to say. You smiled up at him. “It will take me some getting used to, but I like it.” You bowed your head. “Thank you, Kylo.”

“No need for thanks. But, what can I call you?”

The question made you frown and lift your head to meet his eyes. “What do you mean?”

“What can I call you?” he repeated slowly. “You can call me Kylo, what name can I call you?”

You shook your head. “LX-117?” you offered meekly. You hadn’t been called anything else in so long. 

“No, that’s your number, not a name. I need a name to call you.”

“I don’t have a name,” you reminded him. 

Kylo paused for a moment before shaking his head. “I don’t believe it. Everyone has a name and you will too; even if I have to give it to you myself.”

“Then, will you give it to me?” You felt meek under his scrutinizing gaze, but you didn’t know what else to do. You had no name to call your own. But the prospect of being given one, especially by someone who had become such a staple in your bland, miserable life was… It was too good to be true. You found yourself turning to face him and holding his gaze, looking him in the eye. 

He never faltered. Those eyes of his, brown and filled with a warmth you’d never seen before, searched your face. They trailed down your nose to your lips, darted back up to your eyes, flittered to your forehead, and followed the curve of your cheeks. He stayed silent for what seemed like an eternity before a smile danced on his lips and a single word fell to break the silence. “Lux.” 

“Lux,” you echoed. It was foreign to you, an alien, but it felt right. It was filled with warmth and comfort and it settled nicely in your heart. “What does it mean?”

“It is a word from an old, dead language from a galaxy far, far away,” Kylo said, taking your hand and running his thumb over the back of it. “It means ‘light’ because that is what you are. You are my light.”

A shuddering breath left your lungs and your face grew hot on its own accord. But you didn’t mind. The heat filled you to your very core, leaving nothing but goodness in its wake and making you feel elated. “Thank you, s—  _ Kylo _ ,” you said again for what felt like the hundredth time. “Thank you for my name.”

“You are welcome, my light.” He squeezed your hand softly.

“What do you mean when you call me ‘light?’” Your voice was nothing more than a whisper in the night, but you wanted to know. What was the significance behind the light? Why was it that he chose to call you that?

He opened his mouth to respond but no words came out. Slowly, he closed it again and shook his head. “I think it would be better to show you.” He shifted so he was sitting beside you again. His hand never left yours. “Close your eyes.”

You obeyed. “What are you doing?”

“Shh… Just listen. Feel the Force around you. I will show you.”

“Yes, Kylo.” You settled in on yourself, letting your mind fall into the warmth of the Force. You used your physical connection with Kylo to link your feelings. 

What you saw was… It was amazing. It was a ball of light floating in a sea of darkness, so blinding that there was almost nothing else. In your mind’s eye you could see it bobbing up and down, casting its glow over the vast void that surrounded it. It was mesmerizing, drawing you in closer and closer until you were in the center of it. It was warm and alive and pleasantly familiar. This was the Force; this was you. This was so uniquely you that you didn’t even have to go in deeper to see that this was how Kylo saw you. 

You smiled softly and squeezed his hand.

He squeezed back.

And you both sat in the comfortable silence of the Force, reveling in its warmth and peace.

But, sitting there in the silence, just feeling the Force around you, allowed your mind to wander. It traveled back to the day Snoke had summoned you for a lesson, to a moment that had been puzzling your subconscious for a while. You wanted to ask about it, about the voice without a source that had soothed you, but you hadn’t had anyone to ask. But now Kylo was here; and before you could stop yourself, you were calling Kylo’s name. 

“Hm?” He didn’t open his eyes yet. 

You swallowed thickly, your throat suddenly becoming dry. “While you were away, something happened.”

He stiffened, his whole body going rigid, and let his eyes flutter open to look at you. You now had his full attention, the peace of your connection breaking so he could focus. “What is it?”

You knew he was thinking someone had discovered that he was training you or something along that line. You could feel the slight anxiety rolling off his shoulders. You rushed to say, “Nothing bad! No, nothing other than what usually happens at least.” You winced as the memory of pain crossed your mind. “But I… I heard something.”

His silence encouraged you to continue.

“Snoke wanted to look into my mind, see how well my mental abilities with the Force were. I was terrified. He can get into my head and take whatever he wants. He usually goes for the things I may have tried to hide from him or the things I didn’t want to be seen in order to display his power over me and I knew he’d find out about my training if he tried. I couldn’t use the Force and give myself away, but I also couldn’t let him see and… Well, I heard a voice.”

“A voice?” he questioned, puzzled by the thought.

“I… I think so. Even then it wasn’t totally a voice. I didn’t  _ hear _ the words, but it was almost like they just appeared in my mind and merged with my own thoughts. I don’t know where it came from, but… It told me to ‘be still and breathe’ because ‘we will protect us.’ Exactly like that. ‘We will protect us.’ What does it mean?” You searched his face for an answer for this had been bothering you for a bit. The voice had no source, no sound, and yet you felt like you knew it from somewhere. It was vaguely familiar and that troubled you because you couldn’t place it. But maybe Kylo could.

A frown creased his brow and his eyes flickered down in thought. “I… I don’t know. I’ve never heard of this before.”

“Oh.” Your face fell. “It’s okay. I just thought you might know what it meant.”

He shook his head. “I’m sorry, I do not. There are times which people have heard voices through the Force, past Jedi, Sith, and other Force users coming to converse with the living, but nothing has ever happened like what you described.” He squeezed your hand tighter. “I will consult ancient texts, see if I can find out where the voice came from; but I wouldn’t worry about it. It doesn’t appear to be malignant and therefore means you no harm. You have no need to dwell on it, Lux. For now, we can just let it be.”

“Okay, Kylo.” Though his answer didn’t satisfy your curiosity, it did help you to ease your nerves. You weren’t sure if it was because you really trusted him with this or if he was doing something with the Force to help calm you, but you didn’t care. You appreciated it nonetheless. 

Silence fell over you again and you eased into it. You closed your eyes, sitting in Kylo’s presence, the warmth he emitted. You weren’t sure when you fell asleep, but you knew you hadn’t slept this well in weeks. 

You found yourself back in your meadow, sitting in the grass, feeling the dirt beneath you. It was lovely. Nothing could make this more perfect. You felt the light on your face, warming your skin and you let out a content sigh. The peace remained undisturbed, even by the voice that filled your ears. 

“Sleep well, my light,” said Kylo, though where he was you didn’t know. “I will return to you soon.”

You felt your head fall to the mat beneath you, lowered gently by hands that held you tenderly, and you smiled. “Goodnight, Kylo.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, not a whole lot of plot, but he gave her a name. This is the first sign of tenderness and we are literally ten chapters in oml. I warned you guys that this was gonna be a slow burn and I swear to deliver :)
> 
> I'm so so sorry that this took so long, but the last month and a half has just been utterly insane. Before this whole COVID-19 fiasco, I was dealing with my own medical mysteries and now that those have gotten resolved, the coronavirus is wreaking havoc on the world. School's been canceled until the end of the month, several students at my school are getting tested, we have a confirmed case in the district, and no one knows what's going on. So far my family and I are still healthy, but who knows if/when that might change. But one thing is for sure: I'll be staying home a lot over the next few weeks which might mean more time to write so that's a bonus, right????
> 
> Please stay safe, guys. Wash your hands, cover your cough, do what you need to stay healthy. We will get through this. The virus is a lot like the flu, but it's way more contagious in my understanding. Please be cognitive of what's going on and I hope that you all stay safe and healthy. 
> 
> All my love, thoughts, and prayers are going out to you in these uncertain times. Hold fast, we will get through this.


	11. True Fear Lives in the Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has not been edited and was written over the span of a month so if it's a little rougher than normal I am so sorry.

You wanted to say that, since that night Kylo gave you your name, a mutual tolerance if not a sort of friendship had kindled between you and him. His visits to your cell became more frequent as did the number of nights when he would just come to visit and withhold training from you. It irked you that you never knew the agenda for the evening, but you couldn’t deny that the spontaneity was exhilarating. It was the most stimulation you’d had in a while, but it seemed that he made you rest on nights when you wanted to work and work on nights you wanted to rest. You’d have to have a talk with him about that. 

You liked the nights when there would be both training and rest. The night would begin normally, short exercises to reinforce your previous skills. You would connect your minds, take a block from his hand, experience the Force around you, before moving on to the lesson of the night which usually entailed expanding on previously learned skills. You could now reach out to a Force signature five levels above or below your cell and make connection with Kylo almost effortlessly. Though the progress was small, it was significant to you and to your own personal perception of your growth. You were proud of yourself and your progression. And you were proud of your progress with Kylo.

A sort of friendship began to form—a mutual understanding if nothing else. Student and teacher worked together, your objectives in sync. You wanted to learn and grow; he wanted to teach and enrich. Both of you had something to gain from the other in what seemed to be an endless loop of give and take, push and pull; a balance that filled your waking moments. 

You waited for him in the night, weeks after you’d been given a name. He said he would be coming this night and you could only assume it was the evening because you had been given your final meal hours before. He would be arriving at any moment. You sat at attention in your cell, tapping your fingers against your leg, resisting the urge to begin warm-up exercises already. He’d left a small ball in your cell the last time he’d left so you could practice even if he couldn’t be with you. It was small enough that you could hide it easily from the guards that brought your meals but big enough that you could make progress with it when you wanted to. 

You were learning fast. 

Though you had no real grasp or concept of the time you’d spent with Kylo, you knew it hadn’t been long at all. The skills you already possessed—forming mental bridges, emerging yourself in the Force, moving and manipulating matter—were not supposed to come as easy as they did. He didn’t actually say it, but you knew he was just as shocked as you were by your progress. 

Once more, you felt him before you heard him. The aura he gave off grew stronger as he neared you and slowly came up to your cell.    
  
He was fully dressed in his robes, his face covered by his mask. His voice was distorted as he said, “Good evening, Lux.”

“Kylo,” you breathed out, pushing up on your knees to greet him. The smile that took over your face when you saw him split your lips. 

“Are you ready for training tonight?” he asked as he pushed the cell door open, walking in and stopping in front of you. He lowered himself to his knees, reaching up and removing his mask.

You nodded. “Yeah… Why are you so dressed up tonight?” you asked, gesturing to his suffocating robes. In weeks most recent, he’d all but abandoned them, opting for comfortable clothes that were easy to move in. 

“There are more people awake tonight,” he said, unhooking his cape and depositing it on the ground beside his helmet. “They would find it suspicious if their commander was seen walking around without his mask.”

“Yeah,” you agreed. You couldn't see the cause for suspicion, but then again you only ever saw him without the mask. You saw his face for what it was: a powerful, beautiful face that you supposed was reserved for only you. “So what are we doing tonight?”

“Nothing much,” he said, giving you a crooked grin that told you he was lying. “We’ll be doing a bit of hide and seek. I want you to locate something for me, something I have hidden.”

You frowned. “But I’ve done that before.” It was true. That had been a lesson one or two sessions ago—locating objects through the Force to help you understand your surroundings better.

“Ah, but this time it’s different. This item isn’t on board this ship.”

Your brows creased. “What?” How did he expect you to find it then? “What is it?”

“I can’t tell you, but you’ll know when you find it.”

“How?”

A small smile tugged at his lips. “You just will. Now concentrate. If you can find it early enough in the night, this is the only training we’ll do and the rest can be fun.”

You couldn’t deny that the promise was attractive. You could use a bit of fun. Maybe he brought a game for you or maybe he would tell you about life outside the cell. It wouldn’t be the first time he captivated you with his voice. You could listen to him speak for hours. “Alright,” you said falling in on yourself. “I’ll try.” You closed your eyes, trying to connect to the Force, trying to find that perfect grasp where you could take hold and fall right in. 

You felt the gentle tingling of the Force around you and you inserted your signature, reaching and groping for a link. But there was none that was substantial yet. You heaved a sigh, pushing yourself further. You could do this. You could do this.

But you were struggling.

You could get a few floors above or below you, but nothing much further. You faltered every time you tried to go the distance. Your lips curled back in a snarl.  _ Come on… Come on. _

“Concentrate, Lux,” Kylo cooed, a simple voice in the dark.

You tsked, leaving your eyes shut. You couldn’t lose your progress. “This is harder than you think.”

“Oh, I know. I did this once. But if I did it, so can you.”

“This is impossible.”

“No, it’s not. Just push yourself.”

“I’m trying.”

“Then do it.”

“Fine.” You grit your teeth, forcing yourself deep into the Force, and stretched your energy as far as it would go, searching for the item Kylo had hidden for you. When you thought you’d stretched yourself as far as you could go, you went further. You wouldn’t give up. You wouldn’t stop. Your frustration with your lack of success fueled you. You stretched the whole area of the ship, as large as the Supremacy was. You felt everything, every person, every item. It was overwhelming, but you weren’t done. You could feel sweat breaking on your brow as you tried to push yourself forward, a groan brewing in your chest as you strained.

Kylo’s hand fell on your shoulder. “Focus, Lux,” he urged, his voice encouraging. “You’re almost there.”

You pushed again and something clicked in you. It was the warmth, you realized with a shiver. The warmth of the Force filled your veins, drawing you in and merging your consciousness with its. And you can feel the second ship trailing behind the Supremacy and you know that this is where he hid what he wanted you to find.

You don’t know how you know that, but you can feel the intent. Your consciousness isn’t in your body anymore and suddenly you’re drifting through this ship’s halls. It is called the Finalizer, you realize. This is Kylo’s main ship. This is where he goes when he isn’t with you. It reeks of his signature and if you tried hard enough you could trace his daily patterns. 

You stop yourself. You’re there for a purpose. You feel the item, something small, calling out to you, urging you to find it and unearth its hiding place. You follow the call, drifting through the halls until you pass through a door into a vacant room.

The room is white, almost blindingly so, with black and red accents. It takes you a moment to realize that this is Kylo’s room aboard the ship.

You round a corner, climbing up a set of stairs to the loft where his bed resides. It is the bed that calls to you. You find it there, the object he hid. It is a simple slip of paper hiding beneath a pillow. Upon closer inspection, it says in tight, crisp and clear letters, “You’ve found me.”

Reading the three simple words, you are snapped back in your body, eyes blinking rapidly as you settled back into yourself. “A slip of paper?” you asked, your lips curling back into a questioning sneer. “Really?”

He smirked at you, pride filling his eyes. “You’ve found it,” he said, almost echoing the inscription.

You nodded. “All of that trouble for a simple piece of paper. What kind of a friend are you?” You rolled your eyes, though you couldn’t halt the smile that tugged at your lips.

Kylo went still as he looked at you, his eyes curious. “Friend?”

“Yeah, friend,” you said, bringing your eyes up to meet his. It was then that you faltered.

He was looking at you with such intensity that you almost forgot how to breathe. He was startled by your title for him, for your claim that he was your friend, like the word itself was alien.

You had to admit that it was foreign to you as well. After all, you hadn’t had a friend in so long. But you felt like you had reached that point with him. You felt that he was your friend, but you realized with crushing dread that he might not feel the same about you and that scared you more than you were willing to admit. 

Would he run away from you? Pull away? Had you crossed some unspoken line? Was your claim of friendship too bold? Was he going to revoke you of your only source of positive contact?

But then he smiles at you, one so gentle and kind it makes your heart flutter because you didn’t know he was capable of that kindness and he nods. “Friends,” he agrees, settling in on your bed mat beside you. “Friends would be only natural. After all, we have spent a lot of time together.”

“Have we?” At his nod, you frowned, falling into casual conversation. “I hadn’t really noticed.” 

“How could you not have noticed? You’ve grown immensely in your skills and the time alone we’ve spent together is much more than you could’ve spent with anyone else.”

He wasn’t wrong, but you sighed. “Time is irrelevant here,” you said, lowering your head. “I never know what time it is exactly. My days are dictated by meals and ended by sleep.” You laughed pitifully. “The only reason I really know it’s night time anymore is because you come to see me when people should be asleep.”

Silence fell over him as he pondered this. And it was a bit before you realized that he was silent and looking at you. 

“What is it?” you asked, your voice cautious and unsure. The mood had shifted to something more mellow, solemn.

“Just… I couldn’t imagine not knowing time,” he said, his lips turning down in a frown.

It took you a moment to understand but then you nodded. He was part of a world where time was dictated by hours and minutes. To your understanding, he was a fairly important part of the First Order. He needed time and needed to be cognitive of it. He didn’t have the opportunity you did to let time pass without acknowledgment. You smiled weakly at him. “I’m used to it,” you offered as consolation. “Time hasn’t really been a thing in over a decade.”

“Would you like it to be?” he asked softly.

You shrugged. “I guess. I mean, it’d be nice to know what time of day it was, but I’ve grown used to not knowing.”

He didn’t respond to that right away, falling back on himself to ponder.

You were so tempted to find your tether and take a peek inside his head. It drove you insane when he went silent. You had too much silence in your daily life, he was supposed to break that for you. 

But, just as you were contemplating intruding to hear his thoughts, he brought his brown eyes back up to your face. “I have something for you,” he said, his voice trying to be kind.

“What?” Your eyes immediately flickered to his hands although you knew them to be empty. “What is it?”

“A gift of sorts… It’s in my quarters.” He immediately pushed off of the wall beside you and rose to his feet.

“Wh— Kylo!” You reached for him and you grabbed his hand, stopping him in his tracks. Your heart pounded in your chest as you stared up at him with wide, worried eyes. “Where are you going?”

He looked over his shoulder at you, his gaze softening. “I’m going to go get your gift. It’s small, so you’ll be able to hide it easily, but I want you to have it. I will be right back, Lux.”

“Do you promise?” You squeezed his hand tighter, not wanting to let him go.

He squeezed back. “Promise.” He let you go, crouching down to pick up his discarded garments. He took his cape first and clasped it to his shoulders before taking his helmet and fitting it over his head. “I will return soon,” he said, his voice distorted by the voice modifier.

You tried to repress the shivers that ran down your spine, triggered by his voice, and you nodded. “I’ll be here,” you said, your voice a weak attempt at a joke.

His eyes looked at you through the unfeeling mask once more before he took his leave, cloak billowing behind him as he closed your door and marched down the hall, disappearing from your sight. 

You were left alone again and you chose to settle into the wall. Your shoulders slumped forward and you sighed. Already you missed him, your soul yearning for his company. Though as you sat, you found yourself wondering how you had grown so close to him.

You weren’t even sure your relationship was even that close or that deep, but it was the most contact and companionship you’d had in years. Snoke didn’t count. But Kylo?

You pulled your knees up to your chest and leaned forward so your forehead rested on top. A small smile tugged at your lips as you thought about Kylo.

He was kind to you. Or at least you believed he was kind to you. You didn’t know kindness anymore, but you knew he didn’t want to hurt you. He taught you. He was patient with you. He pushed you, yes, but he only wanted to see you improve. That was more than what anybody had done for you in a long, long time. Snoke wanted you to improve, but even before using the Force, you knew it was for selfish reasons. He never hid that from you. But Kylo wanted to see you improve because he saw your potential; he knew you were capable and he wanted to help you unlock those abilities.

If you ever got out of this cell, you decided you would find a way to repay him for everything. Somehow, someway, you would thank him for his kindness. 

But you didn’t let your thoughts linger on that. You knew you were a prisoner. You knew you would only ever be a prisoner or a tool or a weapon. You preferred it here rather than being used to fill Snoke’s agenda. 

But still some part of you hoped for freedom. You’d thought that part long dead. You believed that there was no hope, that the memories you had of a free life were only found in your dreams. But now… Now you weren’t sure what to hope for.

Heavy footsteps filled the hall, breaking your stream of consciousness and you smiled to yourself. That was quick. You shifted in your seat, getting ready to turn to face him and greet him once more. When the footsteps stopped outside your cell door, you started to bring your head up. “Ky—” You stopped yourself short. That wasn’t Kylo outside your door.

The stormtroopers glowered down at you with their expressionless masks. The lead one unlocked your cell door and the other one took wide steps in to grab your arm.

You could feel your heart racing in your chest as it usually did when they came to get you, but faster this time. “No, no, no,” you mumbled. “Please, no. Not tonight!” All warmth had vanished from your chest, replaced with a chilling dread as you watched them come closer to you. 

They didn’t listen to you. When would they listen to you? When had they ever listened to you? They grabbed onto your arms and lifted you off the ground, carrying you out of the cell, down the hall, to a fate you could not control.

You thrashed. You didn’t want to go. Kylo was coming back. Kylo was coming back for you. You wanted him, not them, not this.

Anything but this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thank you all for sticking with me through this whole quarantine thing. Your patience has been astronomical and I know that this has been a whole month and then some of not posting, but I cannot thank you enough for being patient with me in getting this out.
> 
> COVID is sucking the motivation out of me, and my fics are taking the brunt end of that, but you all are being really supportive and still reading and commenting and I'm so happy. You guys are the best so thank you so much. 
> 
> ALSO I AM LOSING MY SHIT  
> One of my really good friends did a reading of Chapter 1 of Tethered and I am living for it. I linked it back on Chapter 1 if you'd like to give it a listen, but, to me, she has the voice of a goddess and I am so happy. This was the most amazing thing.  
> She's reading some of our other friend's stories too and I don't know if they're up on YouTube yet, but trust me, the stories she reads are the top tier things. 
> 
> My personal favorites include:  
> [Fixated](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18774385/chapters/44540056) which is a Kylo/reader  
> [A Place to Escape](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23889283/chapters/57431254) which is a Kylo/OC fic (and is explicit)  
> [Hell is Empty](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23816740/chapters/57224890) which is a Demon!Kylo/reader AU (which will also be explicit I believe)  
> [Don't Leave](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23562025/chapters/56526118) which is a Ben Solo/reader hurt and comfort fic with mild smut  
> [Survival of The Fittest](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23798863/chapters/57175219) which is a Kylo/reader fluff and survival fic  
> [Knockout](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23677876/chapters/56843422) which is a Boxer!Kylo/Doctor!Reader AU
> 
> All of these just make me so happy and I hope they will give you good reading material during the quarantine.


	12. True Terror Takes Over the Mind

The object of his interest sat abandoned in a drawer in his quarters. He didn’t even know why he still had it. He’d bought it on a whim on a spring day that seemed to be eons ago with a man he wished he could forget. A street vendor on a planet whose name he did not remember offered it to him. 

You sir look like a boy who needs to be on time, he had said. I can offer you this for the low low price of ten credits to help you keep yourself on schedule. What do you say?

It was larger to him then, a little bit bigger than his childish palm, though now he dwarfed it with his size. 

Wide brown eyes had stared at the circular item, watching the hands move across the face and he looked up at the man who accompanied him. They posed a silent question.

The man grinned down at him crookedly, running his hand through his nearly black hair. “Sure thing, son,” he said fishing some credits out of his pocket. He passed them to the vendor and took the watch in exchange. His hands spread the change, slipping it over the smaller boy’s head. “Here. Now you’ll always know what time it is, and know how much time we spend driving your mother insane.”

He opened up the top drawer and there it sat; the only item kept in the enclosure. The item was small and circular, with a long chain that could easily fit over someone’s head attached to the top. The shell was a tarnished brass, proudly showing its age. Intricate patterns of vines and abstract flowers were etched into the surface, giving it an almost feminine appearance. On the front cover, a good portion had been carved out, revealing a preview of the hands inside. They loosely formed roses with their swirls and edges, covering the face of the clock.

Kylo pressed his thumb to the clasp at the top and it opened to show its face. The numbers were golden, a beautiful accent to the white they rested on. The circle in the center was golden also, as were the hands, but they only added to the design.

Kylo didn’t know why he still had this. He didn’t know why he’d kept this watch over the years, both during his time at the Jedi training academy and as Snoke’s apprentice. But here it was, untouched, gathering dust. He dragged his fingers across the glass surface that protected the pocket watch’s face, cleaning it off. The quiet ticking it made was the only sound in the room, steady and constant.

Maybe that was why he had kept it. It was his watch after all. It was a constant in his life, reminding him of his constant existence, reminding him of his humanity. There were strong feelings attached to it—strength from when he left home to join the academy, resolve when he’d destroyed the academy, determination when he vowed that he would prove his master he was capable of great things in the dark side of the Force. 

The man who had bought it for him mattered not. Not anymore.

All that remained was the attachment.

And he was transferring that to Lux.

His light had said she had no way of telling time, nothing to call her own. He didn’t know why, but he felt the urge to change this. 

The watch was small enough that she could hide it easily, just in case someone would come by, but it would give her something of her own. He knew she didn’t have many possessions, and while she’d lived long enough without them, he wanted to be the first to gift her something, even if it was small and insignificant. 

It was perfect.

He slipped the watch into his inner pocket, the ticking keeping time with his heart, and walked back out of his quarters. The walk back to her cell was one he’d become very familiar with. He knew it by heart and could probably make the journey with his eyes closed. 

There were very few people still awake as he walked. He passed the occasional pair of stormtroopers on patrol who stood at attention when he passed. But, aside from him, the halls were empty. It was exactly how he liked it. Wide, powerful strides brought him to the elevator to take him to her floor.

But, as he got closer, he could feel something was wrong.

He felt his light. He felt her presence, but she wasn’t close to him. She wasn’t in her normal spot and that scared him.

He grew more and more anxious with every passing second, with every meter he drew nearer to her cell. The second the elevator doors were open, he was tearing his way down the long hallway, rushing to her cell. But he froze in his tracks when he came to it, his heart crawling into his throat and staying there, stopping his breathing.

The cell was empty, the door ajar, with the lingering signature of two stormtroopers from the AR division and Lux hanging in the air. 

She was gone, taken. He could feel her fear, sense her struggle, and it spurred him into action. He found himself back in the elevator, reaching out for their tether as soon as the doors were closed. She’d come up this shaft, stopping twenty floors above her starting point, and been dragged out against her will towards another elevator, one that only went up to a red room.

Kylo’s blood ran cold as he realized what that room was. He’d been in the room so many times for briefing and missions that he knew the road by heart. It didn’t take him long to find his light in there, her energy ringing out, calling for him.

For the first time in forever, he could feel her calling to him, as loud as ever. A wail, a scream, a cry for him. He hadn’t heard this in so long. He’d forgotten how deafening it was. It spurred him onward, wide strides taking him to the elevator, his thumb jamming on the button to summon it, his feet carrying him into the carriage, and his patience allowing him to endure the ride up.

He waited.

Impatiently.

His light screamed for him.

In that moment, nothing else mattered.

Not the fact that he was probably about to expose himself to his master. Not the fact that the last thing Lux probably wanted was for him to interrupt whatever was going on with Snoke. Not the fact that fear was bubbling up inside of him at the thought of walking into that throne room not knowing what he would find. Not any of it.

All that mattered was that she was gone, that she was in pain, and that something dormant inside of him was waking: the urge to protect. 

The doors hummed as the elevator stopped in the throne room, sliding open to reveal a scene Kylo knew he never wanted to see again.

Lux was collapsed on the ground, her shoulders rising and falling with labored breaths. Her hair covered her face like a curtain so Kylo couldn’t see, but he could see a little bit of blood on the ground under her mouth.

A creature towered over her, golden robes spilling around his hunched figure as he sneered at the woman before him. His grotesque face was disappointed, his lips split mid-word. “...useless.” He paused when the door opened and the movement Kylo made drew his attention. An amused expression took over and he hummed. “Ah, Kylo Ren. What an unexpected surprise.”

Lux tensed on the ground in front of them, trembling as she looked over her shoulder at Kylo. He could only see her eyes which seemed to scream at him to leave and demand to know what he was doing here. 

Kylo had to keep his eyes and thoughts off of Lux, though it was a near-impossible task. She occupied his every worry. But he had to stifle it. He knew Snoke could see into his mind. “Supreme Leader,” he greeted, trying desperately to keep his voice even. He reached up and removed his mask, holding it beneath his arm. It was a simple sign of respect. “I came to speak with you regarding the…” He struggled to come up with an excuse on the spot. “Regarding the Resistance,” he said, hoping that it was convincing enough, before continuing, “but I didn’t realize you were occupied.” He finally allowed his eyes to flicker down to Lux, acting as an innocent intruder. “Who is the girl?”

Snoke tilted his chin up, blue eyes scanning Kylo’s face. It was like he was trying to detect anything deceiving under Kylo’s surface, but the commander had had practice hiding or masking his intentions. He finally answered, “She is called LX-117. She resides on this ship under my care.” He paused after a bit, eying Kylo suspiciously. “But you know this, already, don’t you?”

Kylo hesitated. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“I think you do.” He chuckled and turned his back on the two humans before him. He took slow steps back towards his throne, ascending the steps and falling into his seat. “You feel it, don’t you? Feel the Force?”

His heart had crept into his throat. “I don’t… I don’t understand.”

“Let me pose a different question to you then,” he said resting his elbow on the arm and his chin in his hand. “Can you sense anything unusual about her? Anything at all?” There was hope in his voice as Snoke looked at his apprentice, almost as if he was hoping Kylo could feel the same thing as him.

Kylo swallowed thickly, looking down at Lux. 

She couldn’t look at him, but he could sense her fear. It rolled off of her in tangible waves. If he listened hard enough, Kylo could hear her breath trembling. She was terrified.

And Kylo was too. He was terrified they’d be exposed, that Snoke would punish her for his actions. But he couldn’t have left her alone here. Nothing about him, about the attachment to her that had formed, would allow that. 

“I can sense her strength,” Kylo said, choosing his words carefully. “She’s strong with the Force. Strong, but  _ untrained _ .” And it wasn’t a lie. The thing with Snoke was that he could see your thoughts. He could sense when you were lying and he would know that you were deceiving him. So Kylo told the truth. Lux was strong with the Force, but she was still considered untrained. At least to a certain degree. She could move small items and locate things with her mind, diving into others’ thoughts and everything, but those were basic party tricks. She was untrained in the Force, unaware of what she could be capable of. 

“Yes…” Snoke cooed, his lips turning in a twisted grin. “You can feel it too, the power in her blood.”

“I can.” 

She looked at him then, bringing her face up to look at him fully, and the sight made his breath freeze. There was a little bit of blood dribbling from the corner of her mouth, the red mark of a blow dealt to her face forming on her cheek. It made him sick to his stomach, but he knew that this was probably mild compared to what had been done to her in the past. Lux searched his face, her fear bubbling in her. Kylo could feel their tether humming to life as she begged him to leave her. 

But he couldn’t. He wouldn’t.

“She has raw, untapped potential,” Snoke announced, as if presenting her to Kylo for the first time. “Her sensitivity to the Force is unlike anything I have ever seen. I have been trying to train her for a decade and a half without success. But perhaps…” He laughed darkly. “Kylo Ren… I have an assignment for you.”

“Supreme Leader?”

“To prove your own prowess, I am gifting you an apprentice.” He gestured vaguely down at Lux. “She’s proven untrainable by me, but I wonder if she would benefit from another teacher.”

There was a trap hidden in this. Kylo just  _ knew  _ it. Nothing the Supreme Leader gave him came without ulterior motives. There was something underlying in his intentions, but Kylo couldn’t feel it out. 

“Supreme Leader, I don’t think—”

“Do you doubt your own capabilities?” Snoke interrupted. “Are you so weak that you cannot take an untrained girl and flesh out her powers?” He chortled. “If you cannot do this, then are you truly Kylo Ren, or are you wasted potential?”

His hands formed tight fists at his sides. He was being doubted. He  _ hated _ being doubted, being questioned. He was not his father nor his uncle. He was Kylo Ren. He was the grandson of Darth Vader. He’d proven himself time and time again. He’d destroyed the temple, passed the trials. He’d bled his crystal and taken control of the knights. He was committed to the darkside. He was powerful and strong. He was  _ Kylo Ren _ . 

“I can do it,” he said in a low voice, trying to keep it even. 

“Then do not fail me.” Snoke bared his teeth. “Take the girl, train her. Demonstrate to me you are capable of passing down your knowledge. Show me you know the Force enough to train another. Prove your worth and your capabilities. Prove the value of your potential.”

Kylo set his jaw, his teeth clenching. “I will.” 

“Good…” He looked down at Lux. “She’ll be moved from her current quarters to a room near yours so you may supervise her.”

Kylo almost scoffed. As if you could call that cell she lived in her “quarters.”

“I want you training her every day. She will be your apprentice, your shadow. You will teach her everything and report back to me with her progress. And then, when the time comes, I will test her and use it to assess your own success. Do not disappoint me.” Snoke settled deeper into his throne, his eyes falling to half-lidded. 

“Yes, Supreme Leader.” Kylo’s eyes stay trained on Lux. The weight of his task was slowly crashing onto his shoulders, the anger and determination he felt earlier dissipating and dissolving into a sense of duty. He knew that this was serious, he knew that the task was great. And he knew that now whatever his light did was because of him. 

He could feel her thoughts spinning, confusion taking over her. Everything was moving so fast for her. He could only imagine that this was overwhelming, that all the new information would send her into a spiral. But he would guide her. He tried to communicate that much through his eyes. It was his duty as both her teacher and her friend to guide and protect her and he’d be damned if he let her down. 

“Dismissed. Take her with you.” Snoke waved his hand, shooing them.

Kylo didn’t hesitate. He took wide strides over to her and wrapped his hand around her upper arm. Pulling her to her feet gently, he led her back out of the throne room to the elevator. He waited until the doors shut around them, cutting them off from the Supreme Leader before he let go of her arm and let his hand fall down to take hers.

She squeezed on instinct, a small noise escaping her lips. “What…” she started, her voice soft and nervous, “what just happened?”

“I have no idea.” He turned his dark eyes down to her, squeezing her hand back gently. “But I think… I think that this will be good.” He tried to smile to mask his own unease. He didn’t know what was going to come from this, or what would happen, but he knew that he would make it okay. 

She was set free.

In a sense at least.

The Supreme Leader was freeing her from the cell she’d spent the better part of her life in. She was to be given a proper room. She was Kylo’s apprentice. If she wasn’t already being given the basic necessities, he would make sure she got them. A good bed, clean clothes, companionship. She’d never be locked up again. He’d make sure of it. 

He sighed softly out of his nose. “I will make it good. I promise, my light.”

She seemed skeptical but she nodded. “Alright… I’ll believe you. I trust you, Kylo.”

That was all he needed, he thought as the elevator doors slid open and the two of them exited together, as master and apprentice for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all I got on a roll writing this chapter today and cranked out 1500 words despite being called into work and driving an hour total to satisfy my craving tonight. I am on a high today and I don't know why (but I am so not complaining).
> 
> I think I hit that state of anxiety where the anxiety cancels anxiety out and you're left with nothing but that euphoric high and ya know? It's okay. I'm just living over here. It's okay.
> 
> As always, thank you all for being patient with me as I work on this. I know that the rate of roughly a chapter a month is sort of draining, and I'm so sorry it's taking me so long to get this stuff done, but I've got so many writing projects it's insane. Some of them I'll be able to share at a later date, and I hope you'll like it. Til then, Tethered is still high on my priority list in writing and I really hope you're enjoying the story. I know I am and we're finally getting somewhere good. From here the plot takes off so I hope it'll be easier for me to write but only time will tell.
> 
> Thanks for reading! I hope you liked this part!


	13. Genesis

The mattress was too soft. It was a sea of clouds and you were sinking, suffocating in it. 

The pillows were too plush. There was no substance to them. You could feel your head falling right through and hitting the mattress through the feathers and fluff. Or, at least that’s what you imagined was happening. You couldn’t really tell.

You sat up with a huff, pivoting on your elbow to hit the pillow. The silk on your skin turned with you, far too smooth for your liking. What had happened to your ragged clothes? They’d been taken, you reminded yourself.

They’d been taken when you were brought to the room. Kylo had brought you here, led you in, and left. He wasn’t at liberty to stay long, he’d said as he took his leave. Something about needing to attend to his own room. He bade you good night, squeezed your hand softly to reassure you, and walked out.

The room had been rapidly prepared for you in advance. The second the words that you’d be staying here fell from the Supreme Leader’s lips, staff on the ship were dispatched to throw it together for you. There were standard issue First Order jumpsuits in the closet, lounge clothes in the dresser, and so much more. A set of silken pajamas was laid out on the bed for you. You were left to your own devices. 

It was…  _ strange _ to say the least.

You were used to being on your own, but this was something else entirely. There were other people on your floor. You could feel them all bustling around. You didn’t even know how you felt it, but you did. The Force revealed them to you. The Force connected you to them.

They carried about their days, completely unbothered by your presence, as if they didn’t even know you were there; which you figured they didn’t.

You wandered the room at first, unsure of what to do. What was there to even do? You explored, pulling open every drawer, going through every aspect of the room. You cataloged everything, all the clothes and sparse decorations. But there wasn’t much for you. You pushed open the doors along the sides of the room. One led to a walk-in closet where you found the jumpsuits and formal clothes waiting. The other led to a large bathroom. It was so much nicer than anything you’d ever seen. The bathroom you’d been allowed to use held only a toilet, sink, and a small shower. This had its own large tub and a shower with a rainfall showerhead and more settings than you could count.

You decided to shower. It’d been almost a week since your last allowed bath and you were due for one. The setting was foreign and trying to work the shower was a nightmare, but after pausing, taking a deep breath, and trying again, you figured it out. The water cascaded down your body, washing away all the grime that had accumulated over the week and the little bit of blood that seeped from the few wounds dealt by your training session. You washed it all away, letting the water take your strife down the drain.

And when you finished, you found yourself dressing in the silken pajamas and climbing into bed, no other option left for you but to sleep. 

The mattress was too soft. It was a sea of clouds and you were sinking, suffocating in it. 

The pillows were too plush. There was no substance to them. You could feel your head falling right through and hitting the mattress through the feathers and fluff. Or, at least that’s what you imagined was happening. You couldn’t really tell.

You stared up at the ceiling, eyes tracing the darkness, trying to find shapes—trying to do anything at all to bring sleep. You lay on your back for five minutes before huffing to yourself and turning over onto your side. You pulled your knees to your chest, seeking the comfort of your own embrace, but you still found nothing. 

There was no comfort in this bed, nothing that could even begin to lull you to sleep. Not even Kylo’s presence was in the room. You could feel him still through the Force, but he wasn’t beside you like he was in the cell. No, he was in the next room over and you couldn’t get him closer to you. 

He was still awake. You could feel his mental activity even this late at night. He was much like you were at that moment, lying in bed, thoughts swirling erratically. 

Sensing him, you couldn’t help but let out a frustrated breath. You weren’t sleeping and it was driving you insane. You knew he was right there, your security blanket and comforting presence. He was right there, just out of your reach and no matter how hard you fought, you couldn’t bring him closer, couldn’t get him into your bed so you could sleep. For a half-hour you laid there before finally deciding that this was too much. You couldn’t just lie there and pretend everything was okay anymore. You had to get up. You had to do something.

You pushed yourself out of the bed, bare feet hitting the cold floor and scurrying towards the door. You pressed your hand flat against the hand scanner that acted as your lock and door handle. You half expected it to deny your handprint, but it flashed green and the doors slid open.

You crept cautiously out into the hallway, your eyes scanning for life. 

There was none. 

You dipped into the Force, searching for a signature. 

There was none. 

Save for one right next door. 

He was asleep but he was there. And that’s what mattered. 

Your door slid shut behind you and you tiptoed over to the next door. You hesitated for only a second before your knuckles rapped against the metal. 

You felt him stir in the Force, rising from both your presence and the knocking. He paused as if trying to verify the sound that had woken him, confusion riddling his mind, but then you felt him tugging on your tether. Softly at first, but gaining strength until he met you on it. He waited a moment more before you felt him especially as he seemed to grow closer and closer to you until the metal door before you slid open with a hiss, making you jump.

Kylo stood there, eyes still bleary, in a pair of sweatpants and sweatpants only. He rubbed his eyes with one hand as the other came to perch on the door frame, helping to support his body. “Lux?” he asked, his voice still husky with sleep. “What is it?”

You felt ashamed standing in front of him, guilty at having woken him up from a dead slumber. You looked down, shifting your weight from side to side, too afraid to meet his gaze. “I…” you started slowly. “I can’t sleep.”

As if that was any reason to disturb him. You were cursing yourself. You should’ve just sucked it up. You were in a better bed than what you’d had. Stars, you were in a bed. Anyone in your position should’ve been grateful, no matter the circumstances of which the comfort had been attained. 

You were about to apologize and excuse yourself when a soft sigh left his lips. He jerked his head into his room. “C’mon.” He turned on his heel and dove back into his quarters.

You waited only a moment before scurrying in behind him, not even caring when the doors shut behind you.

It was a lovely room, bigger than yours and… multilayered it seemed based off the staircase to your right. There were very little decorations in the plain dark room, the blacks, greys, and occasional hints of red taking over, a stark difference to the quarters you had peeked into on the Finalizer. Along the far wall, a giant window towered over the room, giving a lovely view of the space outside. A modest sitting area rested in front of it, a small kitchenette beside that. The wall across from the door is covered with bookshelves adorned with tomes and other leather-bound books. A desk cluttered with papers and holopads sits between two bookcases. A small door to the right, just by the base of the staircase, led to what you assumed to be a bathroom. 

Kylo bypassed the sitting area and goes straight for the staircase, expecting you to follow him (which you did).

Upstairs was a lofted bedroom. The bed centered in the wall in front of the window was fairly large, covered in disheveled ashen sheets that sang evidence of a body once lying in it only minutes before. A dresser and tall wardrobe along the far wall were closed tightly, looking clean and professional. 

“I-I can sleep on the floor,” you said as you stood at the top of the stairs, just looking over and observing the area. You didn’t want to assume anything, but you felt it was common courtesy to just outright take the floor. “I promise I won’t be any bother to you.”

“Nonsense.” He reached onto the bed and pulled a pillow from the mattress before going over to his wardrobe and pulling a spare blanket from the floor. “You take the bed. You need a decent night’s sleep. I’m sure my mattress is firmer than the one they gave you. You might find it more to your liking.” He knew of the thin mat you’d grown used to. It only made sense that you’d need something firm too.

You gaped at him as he made a bed on the floor. “No! I couldn’t. Please just take your bed, I can sleep on the floor. I promise, I’ll be—”

“Lux.” His voice was firm and authoritative. He effectively cut you off with a hard stare, his brows lowering and his lips turning down. “Get in bed.”

Reluctantly, you obeyed, climbing into the covers and turning on your side. He was right. The mattress was much firmer, much more to your liking. It was a softer version of your mat, lovely and the perfect step up from the cell. The sheets were smooth and silky, gentle against your body. And, burying your nose into the pillow, you found that it smelled like Kylo. You pressed your nose in, taking a deep breath and sighing softly. Yes, you liked this bed much more. 

Kylo shifted his blankets on the floor a bit more before he too laid down, crawling into the makeshift bed and turning on his side to face you. He gazed up at you, gauging your reaction to his bed, before nodding his approval. “There. Try and get some sleep, Lux. I’ll be right here.”

“Okay… goodnight, Kylo.”

“Goodnight.”

You tried to turn over on your side, your back facing him as if pretending he wasn’t there. Your eyes fell shut, though the darkness did nothing to help ease your mind into rest. Instead, it only served to make you more aware of your surroundings. Something was still wrong. You didn’t have that comforting presence beside you, lying at your back and holding you. You didn’t have Kylo. He was in the room, not even a yard away, and yet it was like you couldn’t even feel him. You knew you wouldn’t be able to sleep like this. You wouldn’t be able to sleep without him.

You hesitated for a moment before, “Kylo?” You turned over to face him on your side.

He turned over, the sheets rustling. “Yeah?”

“Will you…?” Would he what? Join you in bed? Sleep with you? Fuck. You didn’t even know what you wanted from him.

“Lux?” He sat up, pushing up on his knees so he sat beside you, resting his elbows on the mattress as brown eyes searched your face in the dark. “What is it? Do you need something?” The way he posed the question wasn’t accusatory or angry, but genuinely concerned and wanting to help. 

“I-I…” You didn’t know how to say that you couldn’t sleep without feeling him beside you. Your eyes flickered down to the empty space beside you, hoping he understood.

To your great relief, he did. He let out a soft sigh of a laugh as he pushed up and peeled back the covers. “Scoot over, Lux,” he said as he climbed in through the side, sliding into the bed beside you. 

You obeyed, quickly making room for him to take up space in the bed beside you.

He pulled the covers up to your chests, turning on his side to face you. “Better?” he asked softly as he rested his head on his arm and looked at you, dark locks falling in his face.

Already, this felt normal and peaceful and you nodded. “Much… Thank you, Kylo.”

“Of course. I can only imagine that this first night is… Odd for you. I can sense your unease and fear. But don’t worry, my light.  I am here now and you are not a prisoner. You are my apprentice, my student for real this time. I will protect you. You will never need to fear the dark again.” He reached out his hand to hold your arm, large thumb dragging over your bicep, tenderly tracing patterns on your skin. “I promise you that.”

“What’s going to happen to me?” The million-dollar question, the one that had filled your head all evening. What was going to happen to you? 

You weren’t a prisoner anymore, but you weren’t free to leave. You were Kylo’s apprentice, under the eye of Snoke, free to roam and explore and have some autonomy. How many years had it been since you were free? Since you didn’t have to stay in a cell night and day, only to be taken out for sadistic purposes? What would you do now? What were you allowed to do now? And could you even make yourself do it?

You grew up a prisoner, it was pretty much all you had ever known. Sure you remembered grass in between your toes and riding a transport to the city, but the memories were too vague to support any sort of normal human behavior. You were scared of your freedom, scared you would screw it up, scared that it would be taken from you just as soon as you got comfortable.

Kylo sighed softly, his full lips forming a line as he looked at you. “I don’t know,” he said honestly. You could detect his uncertainty as much as yours, and while it didn’t reassure you, it did comfort you because at least you weren’t the only one in the dark.

“I suppose we’ll do as the Supreme Leader said. I’ll train you, and we’ll make progress.”

“He wants to use me for bad things.”

“I know. I won’t let him.” He squeezed you softly. “I won’t let him hurt you. I won’t let him use you.”

“You promise?”

He nodded firmly, his jaw set and his eyes resolute. “I promise. I don’t know what will happen to you, but I do know that this is a great opportunity to help you develop your skills, to help you grow and live. And I’m going to take it and preserve it for you. We will continue to train, we will thrive. And I will make sure you are safe always. I promise you that.”

You bit your bottom lip, reaching up to cover his hand with your own and hold it close. “Thank you,” you said in a soft whisper, just barely audible in the room.

He nodded. “You’re welcome. Now, will you try to sleep for a second time?”

“Yeah…” You settled into his bed, pulling his sheets up to your neck and settling in. They were so silky, so comforting. You believed you could sleep like this. “Goodnight, Kylo.”

“Goodnight.”

And you lay down, trying to fall into a peaceful slumber. You were almost asleep too when you jolted awake suddenly, something occurring to you in a single instant. “Kylo?” 

“Yes?” He didn’t open his eyes though he did quirk an eyebrow at you.

“What were you going to give me earlier?” you asked. The memory of him leaving you, saying he had a gift, had hit you in full swing and suddenly, now that your worries were gone, you remembered and were giddy all over again.

His eyes opened then and he sat up, reaching over for the nightstand beside the bed. He pulled open the drawer and fished something out before lying back down and passing the small object to you. “This.”

The item was small and circular, with a long chain that could easily fit over someone’s head attached to the top. The shell was a tarnished brass, proudly showing its age. Intricate patterns of vines and abstract flowers were etched into the surface, giving it an almost feminine appearance. On the front cover, a good portion had been carved out, revealing a preview of the hands inside. They loosely formed roses with their swirls and edges, covering the face of the clock.

You pressed your thumb to the clasp at the top and it opened to show its face. The numbers were golden, a beautiful accent to the white they rested on. The circle in the center was golden also, as were the hands, but they only added to the design.

It was a pocket watch, one small enough to fit perfectly in the palm of your hand, lovely and unique. And he was giving it to you.

“I thought it might help give you time back. You’d said that it was irrelevant, that you never knew exactly what time it was, and I just had this lying around. I thought you might appreciate it.”

“Oh, Kylo…” you whispered softly, closing the face and holding it to your chest, right above your heart. “I love it. No one has given me a gift in so long I... I love it. Thank you, thank you so much.”

He smiled. “It is yours now to do with as you wish. I just hope it’ll serve you better than it served me. And I’m happy to give it to you, Lux.”

You wrapped the chain loosely around your hand as you cradled it close, unwilling to let it go. It was amazing, and you were already growing attached. It was yours. It was the first thing to truly be yours. And your favorite person in the whole galaxy had given it to you. You would never leave without it. “Thank you,” you said again for perhaps the millionth time.

“You’re welcome. Now try and sleep, okay?”

“Okay.” You settled back into the bed. “Goodnight, Kylo.”

“Goodnight.”

He curled up beside you, a respectable distance away as he closed his eyes to try and settle and sleep again.

You tried following him, thinking that all your needs were satisfied. You were in a comfortable bed, lying beside the man who was your shield, with the gift he’d promised earlier in hand and a calm, comforted mind. You should’ve been able to sleep no problem.

And yet… Something was still wrong. And that something was that the bed didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel like he was close enough. 

Maybe it was your nerves or something else, but the distance between you was making it very difficult to sleep. He was still too far in your opinion. When you were in your cell, it felt like you were touching when you slept. You wanted that again. You wanted him to be right next to you, so close you wouldn’t be able to move without touching him. You cracked an eye open as you looked at him once more. “Kylo?”

A beat. A sigh. “Yes?”

You felt bad for waking him again, his annoyance filling the room in waves, but you had to ask. “Will you hold me until I fall asleep?” It was a childish request, you knew it, but it was the only one you had left of him. To be held in his arms, safely and securely, to know for an undoubtable fact that you were safe. You needed to feel his body, feel his strength. You just didn’t know if he’d indulge you. And the second the words left your mouth, you wondered if you’d made a mistake in requesting that. You squeezed your eyes shut, wishing you could take the words back.

But then you heard him shuffling and warm arms gathered you into his embrace. He pulled you into his chest, tangling his legs in yours and cuddling you close. His arms wrapped around your waist, fingers trailing up your spine as he rubbed your back, one hand holding the back of your head and tucking it beneath his chin to hold it snuggly there. His fingers ran through your hair, tugging gently at the locks to soothe you, his own embrace his silent agreement to your request. 

You sucked in a deep breath as your eyes fluttered open, coming face to face with his spotted skin. You didn’t expect him to agree, but here you were, lying happily in your teacher’s hold. 

“Go to sleep, Lux,” he said again. “You need your rest.”

“O-Okay, Kylo,” you mumbled, hiding your face in his chest.  Your cheeks burned, but you knew for a fact that this was how you were going to sleep. His embrace was warm, kind, almost affectionate. It was safety incarnate and it made you feel like you could sleep. So, finally, with his watch clutched to your chest, his arms encircling you in a protective embrace, lying in his bed beneath the stars, and the comfort of his presence, you were finally able to drift off into a peaceful slumber, ready for the start of the rest of your life.

You were safe. You were with Kylo. And that was all that mattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been wanting to write this since I first thought of this story. The idea of her spending her first night of freedom with Kylo just makes my ovaries melt and I hope that I did it justice in my sleep-laden state this late at night. But ya know how it is. Inspiration strikes roughly once a month at the peak of the night and it will not let you rest until you finish your chapter.
> 
> Updates are starting to be more consistent, I'm noticing, happening close to the end of every month, ironically right about when I'm supposed to be starting my period. I guess that the hormones demand I write the good stuff??? Yes?? No???? I don't know but I'm not complaining because it means we have a consistent time frame which is all I could ever ask for. 
> 
> I really hope you liked this part! It was fun to write when I got into it and I thought it was sweet. But again, this is a slow burn, the slowest of burns. They're building up, but heck there's affection somewhere after this long. I just don't want to rush anything. SO I hope my pace is good for you and I hope you'll stick around with me to keep seeing how Tethered will develop. Thank you for reading!!


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